You never know what true heartbreak is until you go through it. You never know what it feels like to have the future you had all planned out snatched away. It all happens in a few moments and, whoosh, your significant other quickly vanishes from your life as fast as they had entered it.
I can honestly say I am one of the most self-destructive people I know, and I know I’m not alone. Tearing yourself down and making yourself feel even more insignificant than you already do after a breakup is not helpful to your healing. Yet, we all do it anyways, because we are our own worst enemies.
Before you can heal, you may think that you have to hurt. But, sometimes that hurting is self-destructive. It’s up to us to step away and realize the self-destructive behavior isn’t helping, and your friends and family are here to help you heal in a positive way.
Here are 5 ways that we are destructive to ourselves after a break-up.
1. You Don’t Let Go
Whether you breakup with your significant other or vice versa, sometimes it’s just hard to let go. This person was a part of your life and you clearly were in love with each other. It’s hard to think that you can’t discuss your day or small things that remind you of that person. It’s hard to let go of someone you love until you get full closure, and sometimes that full closure is just ripping the band-aid off. It hurts, but it needs to be done. I would call and text my ex funny things throughout the day that reminded me of him, until finally he stopped answering and then told me to stop communicating with him – he ripped the band-aid off.
2. Binging And Obsessive Behavior
Getting in touch with your emotions is harder than getting in touch with a vodka bottle or double cheeseburgers. Others may binge in other ways, like over exercising in an attempt to numb the pain away and obsess over becoming perfect. I know I told myself at one point “Maybe if I become perfect he’ll want me back.” There is no such thing as perfect. You are, WE ARE, who we are.
It’s okay to go through the pain. We all do after a breakup, but at some point the destructive behavior of binging has to halt and collecting the puzzle pieces is a part of life and moving on. Over time the excessive eating and or drinking will take a toll on your body.
3. Switch To The Next Guy/Girl Immediately
I have heard comedians and friends say the best way to get over your ex is to get under someone new. For some people, this works and for others, it doesn’t. Whenever I talk to my friends (both guys and girls) after they breakup with someone they truly love, they always reiterate the same story. They want to get back out there, but the thought of touching someone else makes them sad. In order to heal you need to be alone, and switching your barely healed emotions to another human being that quickly doesn’t allow the healing and self growth process to truly work.
4. Internalize Your Emotions
I am the queen bee of holding in my anger or sadness until I finally burst. This is possibly one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Again, you are your own worst enemy. When you constantly beat yourself down through your own thoughts, you are only hurting yourself in the end. You can talk to a friend, a sibling, your parents, or even a psychologist. A psychologist is a non-biased outlet that you can vent and say anything to, and they can’t judge you.
Ignore the stigma that only crazy people talk to a psychologist, because that’s absolutely not true. People that are clearly in tune with their emotions and their well-being, can recognize that they may need to speak to someone like a psychologist about their emotions or any issue. Your friends are in your corner, and although they may get annoyed with you talking about the same old story, at the end of the day they are your friends and they are there to help you.
5. Blame Yourself
Repeat after me, you cannot make someone want you.
It takes two to tango, and it takes two to end a relationship. Blaming yourself constantly and beating yourself up will not bring your ex back. Listen, everything happens for a reason is my mantra. If you are meant to get back together with your ex, you will, and if you aren’t, there is so much more to life and yourself to explore. The most important person to love is yourself, and in order to fully love someone else, you have to love yourself.
Relationships are complicated and breakups really feel like part of you has been severed. It makes us feel weak before we can feel stronger. It’s a part of growing up and analyzing what you want, don’t want, and what non negotiables may be in a relationship. Destructive behavior is a step in coping. But most importantly, you need to make sure it doesn’t captivate your life and begin to destroy who you are or your other relationships. It’s all an important part of the healing.
Featured image via One Tree Hill.