When I was in Grade 7, I had my first kiss. It was with a boy named Andrew, and since we were in grade school, this relationship of ours did not last long…in fact, it only lasted a day. After the kiss, Andrew went back to being a jerk and ignored me. He started making fun of me and chasing other girls, which did not make sense to me, because I never did anything wrong to him. But since Andrew was nothing more than one of those prideful grade-school boys, he didn’t care much for my feelings, focusing instead on his so-called “reputation.” Ever since him, I never really kissed anyone else.
I am now in university, and most of my friends have been kissed, fondled, and stripped of their V-card. To be honest, I am the only virgin in my group of friends, and I haven’t kissed anyone else but Andrew. These friends tell me, “Angelica, I want to hook you up with this guy I know,” or “you should have made out with that guy you were on a date with,” or “you should live a little!” and lastly, my personal favorite,
“I don’t get why you’re still a virgin. It’s just sex.”
I know that most of the time, my friends are just trying to make me “live life to the fullest” and help me experience everything that university has to offer. They are just trying to do what they think is right and best for my long-term social life. But sometimes it isn’t right, and it’s really not what’s best. Those comments hurt. They make me feel like I am not pretty enough, and they make me feel like I’m not a good enough person to have a meaningful relationship with someone who wants more than my body.
People need to understand the reason as to why you chose to be a virgin and learn how to accept that. As for me, I chose to be one because I am afraid… Afraid to be heartbroken, and regret the decision I have made in the future; but, also afraid of the fact that I may get pregnant, and my strict Filipino parents would deport me, or worse, disown me. The truth of the matter is that I know how most guys think; I mean, I did experience many unwanted dating experiences. And this created a wisdom about adolescent boys’ behaviours. I get it: at this point in our lives, we’re only looking for a fling. However, I know what it feels like to be the one who cares more.
I know that being a virgin isn’t a bad thing; I’ve heard all about the virgin-hunting guys out there. And I know having only kissed one boy is also not the end of the world; many religious folk wait till marriage. I know many people who are virgins like me, and have never kissed anyone. Some of these people even take pride for being virgins; they show their worth, their values, and how important saving themselves is to them. However, others I know who are virgins, are often shy about it, wish they “could get it over with” and see it as their weakest suit. This shouldn’t be the case, but sadly, it is.
Teens, no matter what gender they are, are often stigmatized for not being sexually experienced. Anyone who is a virgin shouldn’t be bullied. They have their reasons, whatever they may be, for not being experienced and who are we to tell them that’s wrong? One reason may be that they are fearful of a divine being, and nobody told them that being sexually inexperienced is totally okay. Another may simply be because they are waiting for that one person that will make them feel deeply and differently about when it’s time. They may want that surge of reality and the electric energy of their lover’s eyes to guide them.
But since sex has gone mainstream, teens are often expected to lose this pearl at a young age. Sex has become so commonly romanticized that it has lost its value and meaning. Men now think of women as sexual toys that they can play with whenever they want. And for women, well, they think they need to give it to any guy they meet. Respect and personal matters are no longer priorities when it comes to the sex game. These days are different than they used to be; sex has been completely redefined. People want to know whether you have done it or not, and the meaning of respect has been turned around depending on what you answer. If you lost it in high school, you are praised at and respected, especially if you are boy. However, if you have not lost it by senior year, you are ultimately labeled as a “loser.”
Let me set the record straight: being a virgin in your teenage years does not mean that you are a “tease” or will become an “old hag,” it simply means that you are not interested in that kind of thing yet, and that’s okay. There will come a time where you are ready to have sex, but before that time comes, don’t stress. I have tried to will myself to follow my own advice which is essentially trying to feel comfortable with the idea that waiting is key. I have to admit, it is hard not to think about such things, especially if you are surrounded with friends that are more sexually experienced than you are. But you gotta understand that not being ready to have sex is 100% okay. Don’t fall into peer pressure and save yourself from the trouble of eating ice cream and other comfort food while watching from coms.
Featured image via Anna Tarazevich on Pexels
This is a super important piece with amazing points. Really awesome that you tackled this topic, definitely something that everyone needs to keep in mind when dealing with sex.