I am the queen of apologizing for venting. I’ve improved, but I still apologize for venting from time to time. I’m human, and it happens. Old habits die hard.
Often, we all tend to apologize and feel guilty for venting to our friends and family about our issues. We know that everyone juggles so much; we don’t want to add our problems on top of theirs, especially if the issues you vent about don’t seem like a big deal.
We do this because someone in our lives, no matter who it might be, made us feel like venting was a bother or an inconvenience to them in some way, and they made us feel bad about it.
So now whenever you vent to someone, you think of that interaction with that specific person and apply it to every person you vent to. You feel guilty for bothering them and worry that they will make you feel bad for venting your current frustration with life.
But, even compared to what your friends or family members might go through, what you need to vent about, whether small or big, is important to you. I understand that.
Just keep reminding yourself that not everyone is like that, and the people you choose to surround yourself with will never make you feel bad for venting when you feel the need to, and vice versa when they need to do the same.
So what do you do to feel less guilty about venting and stop apologizing for it? A couple of years ago, I started this, and like I mentioned before, I am not perfect. I slip up because I am not a robot.
I ask my friend or friends, venting, ‘Do you have the mental space to hear me vent right now?’ This does a couple of things: it acknowledges what they might be going through mentally, and it allows them to gauge their feelings.
If they are actually in a good mental and emotional space to be the friend you need, then, right now, in this moment, they might not be ready to take on your stuff, and that’s okay.
There are other ways you can vent out your frustration for the time being, whether it be talking to another friend or doing something creatively, like journaling, doing some art, listening to music, or starting therapy. Pick whatever works best for you whenever a friend is not around.
As for not feeling guilty for venting, it takes time —months, even years, or maybe even a lifetime of practice and being around the right people who allow you to vent without feeling bad about it. After all, everyone does it, and there’s nothing to feel bad about.
Photo by Negar Nikkhah on Unsplash
I truly enjoy your personal narrative! Honestly, I strongly believe in what you’ve written about creating a safe space for venting and considering others’ emotions before venting to them. I used to vent to people a lot. Most of my friendships were ruined because I would vent to them without considering their emotions. After spending several years journaling and finding other outlets to help me process my trauma and grief, I’m learning to be more mindful of others while practicing active listening before and while venting.
Sometimes, it is okay not to share every little thing that comes to mind. But it is okay to share some things. We’re human after all!