Typically, we don’t think a friendship comes with an expiration date however some friendships inevitably have one and we don’t realize . Even nontoxic friendships in our lives have them at times too. Even if we know in our hearts we need to move on, we fear being alone so we continue the friendship painfully. Or you are able to enjoy the badge of honor that says “lifelong friends” if they’ve been around longer than anyone else in your circle. Losing that title or reputation of a friendship goal is debilitating or embarrassing.
It’s difficult to identify when you need to let go of a good friend or to identify the quality of your friends. It’s OK if you struggle with that or are unsure when the right time or what the right reason to end a friendship is. We’ve all been there!
It’s debilitating to end a friendship you valued so highly for most of your life. But that’s life! We’ve all been there where that person was no longer benefiting your life nor were they the same person you became #besties with all those years ago.
Here are a few warning signs to look for if you’re debating on ending a friendship:
- They’re becoming overly judgy.
Let’s be real, we’re all savages behind closed doors when we’re with our friends and we all feel it’s a safe place to be brutally honest with each other. But when you notice that they’ve been displaying behaviours such as gossip, take that as a red flag as they could be acting this way towards other people about you behind your back. Same thing goes if they are projecting problems onto you. They could be using you as their emotional punching bag – and no one wants to deal with that.
- Conversations are boring.
In all relationships conversations aren’t always riveting, and can be dull and go nowhere. But if talking to them is feeling like a chore because it’s slow and painful, that’s a sign they may not be invested or interested in talking to you. Something could be off in their mind. Perhaps your differences have changed, maybe a problem escalated and they haven’t mentioned it to you or you could be drifting apart. Take notice of your conversations.
- Plans fall through.
If every time you have plans they cancel last minute, take this as a cue. If it’s once in a blue moon, that’s OK because life happens. But if it happens 3 times in a row it might be time to really evaluate how much they actually want to see you. If they aren’t willing to prioritize you in your busy life, there’s no point in you doing the same to them. If you’re really unsure, let them initiate the next hang out, that’ll give you the answer you’re looking for.
- It doesn’t feel right.
You can always tell when something doesn’t feel right. Trust your judgement and maybe look deeper into things to get an answer. Naturally we can all feel when somethings off and when there’s a shift. Yes, it may lack logic but your intuition is always right when it feels off kilter. You may never get an understanding or hint, but your gut should tell you everything you need to know.
- You feel like you’re the only one trying.
It’s not to say that your friend is trying to slowly phase you out or ghost you. Their priorities may have shifted to a new place and you’re struggling to keep up. However, when they become unresponsive or stop putting forth a lot of effort and you feel like you’re beating a dead horse maybe it’s time to end the friendship.
The important thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with you when it comes to ending a friendship. Life takes us in different directions and changes who we are, that’s OK. Just because you aren’t besties who talk everyday anymore doesn’t mean you still can’t check in or creep on social media to stay in the loop even if you can’t revive your bond.
Remember, when food is expired or clothes don’t fit you don’t keep them around. Why should you do that with a friend? It’s okay to let them go. You will get something even better when the time is right.