Breakups are never easy, and the longer the relationship lasts, the harder the breakup will be. With that being said, being cheated on always amplifies the pain of a breakup. Psychologically, so many thoughts race through a person’s head when they realize that their partner has betrayed them this way. Trust me, it’s excruciating.
When my partner cheated on me, I asked myself so many questions.
Why wasn’t I good enough, and how long had my partner felt dissatisfied? I wondered what I did wrong to push my partner towards someone else and what that other person offered that I couldn’t.
Those sad thoughts exemplify the pain that feeds on our insecurities and makes us feel like we caused the infidelity. This feeding can mess with our heads long after the breakup. We may even feel paranoid that if we love again, a cheating lover will hurt us again. We may even begin to think that there’s something inherently wrong or unlovable about us.
Those sad thoughts exemplify the pain that feeds on our insecurities and makes us feel like we caused the infidelity. This feeding can mess with our heads long after the breakup. We may even feel paranoid that if we love again, a cheating lover will hurt us again. We may even begin to think that there’s something inherently wrong or unlovable about us.
However, I know in the very core of my being that cheating is a horrible thing to do to someone. So I also had some resentful thoughts. I wished for them to feel just as miserable as my partner and I did together. If they wanted each other so badly, then they can have all the pain and suffering when my partner cheats again.
Just like the sad thoughts, these angry thoughts can mess with our heads, too.
Bitterness is a paralytic. The longer we stay angry, bitter, and jealous, the longer we’ll remain preoccupied with our ex and unable to move forward with someone who will treat us right.
There is no real advice that universally helps everyone. For those sad thoughts, doing things that boost our self-esteem can be very helpful. For those angry thoughts, releasing them through journaling, venting, or therapy will do wonders for our psyches. And of course, after any breakup, self-care is essential.
If you’ve found yourself alone after a breakup that was caused by cheating, the most important thing to remember is that someone else was incapable of committing to us. And that breakdown in commitment is not our fault. A cheating partner should have communicated their desires and asked for an open relationship.
They could also give their current partner the chance to walk away before betraying them or simply ended the relationship. The pain of separation hurts so much less than the heartache of discovering infidelity. Finally, they could have just resisted the temptation of this third party altogether until they knew exactly what they wanted.
The blame is squarely upon the shoulders of the cheater, and not upon the one who has been cheated on.
You can feel angry and indignant, and you should. But don’t let it consume you. Let that relationship and that partner go. Let them move forward whether they’re happy or miserable, and move forward yourself while trying your best to be happy.
There is always the chance of love again. No amount of hurt can ever overtake the power of love. The right love will heal you and prepare you to return to the world of romantic relationships. Don’t give up on love, no matter how heartbroken you are. Love conquers all.
Featured image from @franciscoegonzalez via Unsplash.
