You shattered my heart, broke my spirit, and drowned me under the weight of your struggles. You sank me lower and lower until I feared that transcending your crushing weight was impossible. But 2019, thank you for the heartbreak and the soul-ache, for paving the way for me to resurrect myself, for sending me glimmers of light in the darkest moments.
2019, thank you for the tears.
Thank you for the nights I cried myself to sleep, heaving and sobbing over broken plans and pervasive self-doubts. Thank you for the mornings my head throbbed and my heart ached after I bared my soul to an empty room. And thank you for the moments I washed away my pain tear by tear, emerging refreshed and prepared to conquer every roadblock you set in my path.
2019, thank you for the darkest moments.
Thank you for the days I felt like my life was ending before it truly began, the moments that left me devoid of faith, absent of hope. Thank you for the moments when the struggles seemed unbearable, insurmountable in the face of my shattered pride and waning confidence. And thank you for the moments I chose to carry on, the moments when surrendering to the burdens felt imminent but life still remained beautiful in its chaos.
2019, thank you for all I left behind.
Thank you for the moments my heart broke as I walked away, leaving a sea of doubt and fear in my wake. Thank you for the true colors, the ashes and charcoals I wished I’d never see, the roads I no longer traverse, the wilting hearts I no longer know. And thank you for the clarity in the midst of the darkness, the moments I learned to proudly walk away from everything I’ve held dear, the realization that you’ve grown and changed me, the bittersweet notion that nothing and no one will suit me forever.
2019, you’ve left my heart battered and bruised as I’ve cried over you, longing for the peace and comfort of new beginnings. But even in the midst of your turmoil, thank you for the heartbreak, the moments that bent me, strengthened me, and spurred me forward, gifting me the promise of a fulfilling tomorrow.
Previously published on Thought Catalog.