How I’m Slowly Learning To Find Freedom From My Insecurities

My insecurity consumes me.

I stand in front of the mirror, allowing my perceived flaws to swallow me.

I wrack my mind for every conceivable instance in which I’ve fallen short — the unforgettable, humiliating moments that made my cheeks flush red. The days I walked with my head hung low as I ruminated over my failures. The times I fervently believed that expressing emotion is a telltale sign of weakness.

Perhaps, the world is engaged in a dance of deceit, a swaying, measured tango with my precarious grasp on my capabilities. Nothing can compel me to fully understand that I am capable, worthy, or deserving.

But someone can.

I nearly lost her to my own insecurity. She’s the other half of my soul, a life-enhancing beacon of support and unconditional love. She’s my best friend. My sister.

However, my tenuous hold on my self-worth nearly ruined us as my insecurities swallowed me, refusing to free me as I fought to save myself. As I struggled to stay afloat, I mistakenly convinced myself that the world was attempting to deceive me once again. That others’ successes diminish mine, that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be enough.

Instead of surrendering my flawed perceptions, I danced with insecurity, limply yielding as my mental confines dipped and rocked me. I flirted with instability as I let the dance encapsulate me, tying and binding me in the wake of its dangerously hypnotizing spell.

I bared my facade of security, lashed out, accused, refused to support, refused to accept. As I continued to yield to the precarious tango, I allowed my self-doubt to consume me. 

Instantaneously, without regret or remorse, she freed me, releasing me from the shackles of the never-ending dance, dismantling the bonds that confined my soul. She spoke with conviction, halting the hypnotic tango in its wake.

You are enough.

Although I still felt my insecurities hold me, I no longer had reason to continue dancing with my flawed self-image. Perhaps, the world viewed my capabilities through clear lenses. Perhaps, my vision was clouded as I struggled to accept myself. It was time to set myself free — free of the all-consuming dance that shook me to my core, free of my insecurities.

I am slowly learning to choose freedom from insecurity, to see the world as an honest reflector of my capabilities, gradually regaining my sense of self-worth as I resolve to celebrate my successes on my own terms. Deep in my soul, I am carefully dismantling my shackles, the seemingly impenetrable ties that bind my mind. My heart is constantly discovering the beauty of true freedom as I fully learn to empower myself.

You may feel as though you are trapped in a dance of lies and insecurities. You may allow your self-doubt to sway you, blurring your true capabilities. But, once you stop dancing with self-doubt and eschew the harsh whispers of your mind’s lies, you will finally feel free. It’s time to choose freedom from insecurity. It’s time to sway yourself to believe that you are enough.

Previously published on Thought Catalog.

Photo by Hailey Reed on Unsplash

4 COMMENTS

  1. […] Looking back at all my problems when I was younger, I can’t help but laugh because of my petty rants and shallow issues that didn’t really matter a few days after. I had a lot of instances where I had my feelings hurt. Some of my friends ignored me; I got upset when things don’t go my way; and certain people made me question my own self-worth. […]

  2. […] Looking back at all my problems when I was younger, I can’t help but laugh because of my petty rants and shallow issues that didn’t really matter a few days after. I had a lot of instances where I had my feelings hurt. Some of my friends ignored me; I got upset when things don’t go my way; and certain people made me question my own self-worth. […]

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