To The Girl Who Feels Like A Second Choice

To the girl who feels like a second choice,

You feel like you are just one of someone’s many options. Yet despite this feeling, you still stick around and wait. You hope and pray that you’ll be someone’s first choice. You’re quite aware that you don’t deserve to be someone’s backup plan. Yet you can’t help yourself and want to stay around in hopes that one day it’ll be your turn to be wanted.

You care so much about everyone around you. Too much. It gets to the point where you have a hard time vocalizing your concerns, feelings, and pain. You’d rather allow your own feelings to get hurt rather than hurting someone else’s. You also genuinely don’t believe they deserve it but they do.

You love with your entire heart and devotedly hard.

And you don’t even realize how stubborn your heart is even if your personality might not reflect it. You will do anything for those you care about and would never ask for anything in return. You just do it without even thinking.

At times, it does get exhausting always trying to be a better person for everyone. But you will never express or show how hard it hits you. You just keep plowing through with a smile on your face and an ache in your heart full of discouragement. Yet you still try and see a positive ending even when your gut tells you otherwise.

You live your life never giving yourself credit. Maybe, you are aware of your great qualities and accomplishments but don’t want to be in the spotlight. You also don’t treat yourself as a priority even though you should, and you know you need to. You keep saying you’ll make a change and never fully commit to doing so.

But what you may fail to realize is that people can see it and recognize those behaviors from their own past experiences. We’ve all been in your shoes. Just because some people may be in different and happy relationships, it doesn’t mean they weren’t stuck feeling like someone else’s second choice too. They just moved on after something pushed them to make a change. They probably didn’t do that willingly.

Do yourself a favor and take a deep breath.

Reflect on the past and what caused you to feel this way. Maybe it’s the influence of what you see in the media, the relationships you’ve witnessed your whole life or a toxic friendship. Remember that all relationships should be two-sided. Not one-sided.

Once you respect yourself, other people will respect you too. Don’t focus on being so invested in other people that you neglect yourself. Stop overthinking every minor thing in your life. And never stop trying to make changes because you think your crush will miraculously change their mind and want you when you finally want yourself more.

You deserve to be treated like you are important because you are. You are so much more wonderful than you think and you have so much to offer to this world. Stop wasting your time on someone who won’t take the time to recognize it. You have a beautiful soul full of love and inspiration. Put yourself first, embrace your awesomeness, and allow yourself to flourish rather than standing timidly behind someone else’s shadow waiting to earn their respect and attention. Demand it with your personality and actions. I know you have it in you.

Feature image via Unsplash


  1. Thank you writer. Even though I already know all this in my heart, it has a different impact on me when i read it. See the words in print. Look at it! Is this going to be the thing that actually gets through? Will i truly believe these words and start making the changes i know i need to make? Do i want to? The pain is comfortable. Its all i know. What happens if i cant ?what happens when I do?

  2. i just wanted to say thank u, I doubt you’ll see this but I hear the saying “if he wanted to he would” but I’m just confused on the effort being given. I think I’m the first choice but his friend told me his “good friend” name and it made me shattered to second choice.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.