I Still Look Back To The Days When We Were Only 17

We were only seventeen.

You called me your Monroe,
you were the most dangerous step I would take.
It was a great love,
the ones you read about
that make your heard ache to have something like it.

A one in a lifetime kind of love.
I miss the way my heart would jump
when I saw you walking those high school halls

I miss the way we would share our secrets;
I was so young
I miss how we were the ones no one expected,
two different worlds colliding into one.  
I miss the way you would squeeze my hand,
or drum our favorite songs on my waist.
I miss the wildfires we lit,
the destruction we caused when we fought,
the slamming and locking of doors
I miss the way you would run after me,
swearing to be a better man,
fighting for us one more time
I miss the way my heart would jump
when I saw you walking those high school halls

The way you made my mother furious,
as she warned me about you countless times,
as I waited anxiously by the door
waiting for your car to pull around,
lighting up my street,
I jumped in without a fear in the world

I’ll always remember
the time you took my hand
in front of your friends,
I was so nervous to meet them
I’ll always remember the day I told you
I didn’t want this anymore,
and you ran after me on my way to English class
and pleaded for one more chance, I gave it to you again

I’ll always remember the little home we made
at that beat up picnic table in the forest,
strumming on your guitar,
singing Tom Petty songs
Spending our last days of summer together,
before we were forced into our boxes at school

The heartache;
when you forgot to call
or was out with another girl;
promising she was just a friend

The obsession;
when you gave me half-truths,
leaving out the details I needed to hang my heart on

The fear;
that you would find,
someone who was easier to love,
who didn’t have such a heavy,
twisted mind

The end;
when I finally left you;
convincing myself it wasn’t meant to last forever

But nothing would prepare me for being without you
If I had only held on a little longer
If I had only loved you a little more
If I had only given you one more chance

A little part of ourselves hates each other now;
for what we did to each other
With my name carved into your heart
We tried to forget,
for eight years we tried to forget,
but we always found our way back to each other;

For one more night
Starting all over again,
loving you all over again,
missing you all over again,
learning to live without you all over again

You can’t do it anymore,
but I still keep my fingers crossed
I wish you fought for me one more time
We were just both so tired

We live separate lives now
You ask me to stop haunting you, let you go to find another love
I try to stay away
I can’t help looking back every now and then
Wondering if you’re up for one last encounter

Now that I am older,
I still try to remember
I look back at those days when we were only seventeen

Photo by Dallin Hassard on Unsplash


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