2018 has literally been a b*tch.
Yup, I said it. It has literally been the shittiest year.
Agree with me? Dude, I feel you and am here for you.
But, in all seriousness, 2018 has been hard. And even that is an understatement.
I’ve never had a year like this before. I’ve had bad moments in life, but NEVER an entire freaking year of trials, turmoil, anxiety and stress. I’ve never had a year that has literally beat me down so hard that I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. 2018 was that year.
I thought 2018 would be my year. I mean how could it not be? It started out so great! My friend and I spent New Years Eve meeting new people and building a big bonfire on a frozen lake. After ringing in the new year, we spent the rest of the night driving around and eating food. It was a great way to start 2018.
After getting two hours of sleep, we woke up and drove home. Not even 10 minutes after leaving her aunt’s house, we ended up on the side of the freeway with car problems. That was the moment I knew that 2018 would be a bitch to me.
I just had a gut feeling… and I was totally right.
Since the car trouble, I have experienced heartache in the worst way possible. I’m not going to be specific, but just know that my life has been a rollercoaster, to say the least.
Spiritually, I always feel 10 steps behind and I can’t seem to find where I fit in.
I’ve cried almost everyday. I’ve spent countless hours with a counselor trying to get a handle on my anxiety. I’ve spent days, weeks and months working to soften my heart against things that are sometimes too painful to face.
I wasn’t able to leave my home state like I planned. So I was forced to stay in the place that I didn’t want to be. I got terribly sick and had to pay big $$$ in medical bills.
I was forced to smile through the pain.
It’s been a doozy and a half, and all I wanted to do is fast forward to 2019. Just like in real life, like when you try to avoid people (bitches) who are rude, mean, drag you down, etc.
But (sometimes) unfortunately, that’s not what life is about.
It’s not about skipping through the bad parts just to live for a second in the good moments. Life is about the good and bad parts of the journey.
When I was a child, my life was not easy. But, I would tell myself repeatedly in my head that I was a strong person and that I could get through anything. I knew things would eventually get better. I held onto that hope every single day.
In 2018, I forgot to be hopeful. Instead I became unhappy, depressed and even more anxious than normal. I didn’t handle this bitch the way I should have. After falling pretty far, I had to remind myself to get back up.
We aren’t given anything we can’t handle.
2018 has been a bitch. But it has and will continue to refine me and give me the strength that I need to get through other years in the future that may not be the best. Because, unfortunately, this isn’t the last time I’ll have a crappy moment, time, or year in life.
So, just like you do in real life, remember to smile at the bitch who hates you. But even still, I won’t be sad when I have to wave goodbye to 2018 and start over with the cool bitch, a.k.a 2019.