So many of my girl friends are in terrible relationships. It’s like respect is optional in their relationship. The boys are rude to their girlfriends and their girlfriends’ friends. They are also selfish, unkind and they expect to be taken care of without offering any kind of care in return. These boys get away with treating their partners terribly, and their girlfriends put up with it.
This is especially evident on social media. We sometimes take to these platforms to show off our relationships. There are a number of girls on Twitter who have been called “bare minimum Twitter” because they tweet about the things their boyfriends do for them as if those things are extravagant. But they aren’t, they are the most basic things someone in a relationship should be doing daily. Like, opening a door or respecting your significant other.
After thinking about all of these relationships that I see as negative, my question is, am I expecting too much when I do not put up with things like this?
The answer is no. It seems obvious, but expecting kindness from someone with whom you are in a relationship is the bare minimum expectation you should have.
The reality is, we are a reflection of our relationships. As Stephen Chbosky says in Perks of Being a Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” To expect respect from others is to respect yourself; therefore, if anything, we are not expecting too much, we are actually not expecting enough. You should expect not only basic kindness and respect, but more than that. You should expect love, generosity and empathy. It’s the same things my friends in bad relationships give but do not receive in return. We should stop putting up with men treating us this way. If you are putting love into a relationship and being met with hostility, rudeness or control, get out of that relationship.
To accomplish that, one of the first steps is to stop posting on social media about being treated with basic kindness and respect as if you are setting the bar really high with those qualities.. Not only does this reflect badly on you, it tells younger girls who have not begun dating yet that respect is extravagant and hostility is to be expected. Which is simply not acceptable.
My rule of thumb is, if you would not be okay with him treating your best friend or your little sister like this, you should not put up with him treating you this way, either. So, in conclusion, no, you aren’t expecting too much out of him. You should expect to be treated the very best. You should be treated with respect, kindness and love on a daily basis. Those things are not negotiable and shouldn’t be viewed as luxuries. It’s not bad to expect the basic necessities of chivalry and more because you deserve to be treated in the best way possible.
Photo by Joanna Nix on Unsplash