Some bar nights are better than others; some leave you vomiting outside of the club, stumbling around to find your Uber. Others leave you crying in the bathroom on the phone to your mom (oh no, just me?).
However, every female can agree that a Girls Night Out is the best chance we have in this lifetime of a successful outing!
Here are the 5 stages of a girl’s night out every girl knows too well!
1. The Pre
Everyone knows the pre is the best part of a GNO. Throwbacks. Chips. Shots. Outfit swapping with your best friends. Perhaps a swipe right or two (or 30) on Tinder. Nothing is better than the night’s pregame progression, letting you and your girlfriends get giddier, gigglier and fully ready to drop it like it’s hot.
This is also when the fire insta’s are taken – ya know before the bar grim takes over your body, ultimately leaving your fake lashes half off and your hair 3 sizes bigger than when you left.
And let’s be honest, if you didn’t listen to R.Kelly’s “Remix To Ignition,” did you even pre?
2. The Ride to the Bar
Whether you Uber, Taxi or get a ride from your roommates’ best friend’s cousin, a lit bar ride is essential to the perfect GNO. If you have passenger seat AUX cord control, you are DJ Master and it is your sole purpose on this earth to provide class A jams.
If you’re a backseat baller, you can assist your fellow GF’s with lip gloss, gum, life chats and pep talks about the night’s objectives (No Becky, you CANNOT text your ex AGAIN tonight! He’s engaged!).
This is also prime Snapchat story time. By now, the alcohol has set in and your inner Beyonce has stepped out. Let’s just hope your Uber driver is down to listen to you and your girls scream-sing “Freakum Dress” the entire ride for the sake of the Snap and still give you 4.5 stars.
3. The Bar
This can be, tbh, the most anticlimactic part of the night. If the DJ is off, or the bar is overcrowded with douchebag boys and their pulsating groins – it can really throw off the prime GNO vibes. Sometimes all we can do in life is dance to mediocre music with a cute guy you’re pretty sure you have Bio with on Monday mornings.
However, bars are always prime for one thing and one thing only: bathroom trips. A lady pee break has the ability to bring people together unlike anything else. Forget trust falls or prayer circles, drunk peeing in a stall with another girl bonds you two in sisterhood.
Just think about it, if all the conflicting world leaders took a drunk 5-minute pee break, I could practically guarantee world peace.
4. After Bar Food
NOTE: This is the ONLY reason I go out.
Nothing tastes as good as a burger and fries when you’re so drunk you feel your blood turning into pure alcohol and your stomach literally eating itself.
So what if it costs $15 plus a tip to the cute cashier boy, who did literally nothing to deserve that tip – but who cares, YOU’RE FINALLY EATING, HUZZAH!
5. The Afterparty
You made it! Getting home from the bar is always a toss up. You and you girls could continue the good vibes and eat a whole bag of Doritos while watching The Office and laughing way too hard.
Or, you could already be peeling off your lashes in the Uber home and be ready to pass out the second you step foot in the door (RIP to all the lashes I’ve lost on the long journey home).
In conclusion, as long as you can wake up the next morning and find you still have your wallet, your coat and some of your hard earned dignity, you fully have the right to call it a successful GNO! So go grab that hangover breakfast, post your fire Insta, and get ready to do it all over again next weekend!