“You left me because you didn’t love me”; this is the conclusion to every broken relationship. It may be true in many cases but to generalize it as the norm is wrong. This is the story of one of those times it was different.
You must know, I loved you a lot, but somehow that wasn’t enough. We were getting serious, which involved a lot more people than just us. We were in different countries and distance was ruining things for us. However, we tried and tried until there came a time when I just didn’t see the point. You are so kind and understanding; your personality is what drew me towards you. On the flip side, your lack of interest in moving things forward and being cold and expressionless is what led to the start of most of our fights as well.
I didn’t have the best past so my expectations from love and relationships were quite low.
I won’t say I didn’t expect anything from you but I honestly thought my expectations were very basic and nothing out of the blue. However, for some reason, those seemed like too much for you to meet.
I understand that you are busy but so am I. If you didn’t end up taking me for granted without realizing it, you would know that it takes just a few minutes to return a call back or drop a message especially since you knew I was waiting to talk to you.
We came from different backgrounds. We have a different lifestyle and different ways of perceiving life. It’s probably something that bothered you but it bothered me more. At the end of the day, I would have to adjust to your way of life, not the other way around. I was ready to take the plunge, however, your unclear actions made me question my every decision.
It is said that every healthy relationship goes through numerous fights and disagreements. However, our fights started to seem like a habit. I felt like a broken tape recorder arguing about the same thing over and over again and you apologizing just so I would leave it alone. I started to get the feeling that you never really meant those apologies because you went ahead and did the same thing that we fought about again.
I honestly couldn’t make sense of what your feelings were for me.
I had no idea where we were actually headed in this relationship. When I was upset, you would go all out to make sure I was happy. You came and spent time with my friends and made sure they liked you because you knew that was important to me. But then when we had to discuss the future, you would just get cold feet. You would keep delaying every time I told you to do something substantial to take the relationship to the next level. You were so sure I would always be there waiting for you.
I have learned along my journey that letting go doesn’t mean loving less. I don’t want you to feel that I didn’t love you enough or that it was easy for me to leave you. I was more broken than you can even imagine. However, I realized that it would better to end things then than at a later point. You will always be a part of my heart and my life. I know you loved me but our being together was just not meant to be.
Feature Image via Brandon Woelfel.