Am I still in love with you? I am genuinely unsure and not trying to be melodramatic.
My heart doesn’t ache for you anymore. The thought of you doesn’t make me cry anymore. The thought of you doesn’t even make me sad anymore. I do not long for you as much as I used to. You are starting to feel like someone I only once knew now. But I am currently awake, it is really late at night and I find myself thinking of you, in the moments when I do find myself thinking of you, a flood of memories come rushing in.
The moments we had together years ago, to the very last moments we had together. The funny exchanges. The romantic, steamy nights. The hilarious Facebook comments and screenshots sent to one another. The fleeting moments we were able to share with each other during our youth, to the juxtaposed version of ourselves into adulthood. The first time we kissed. The songs that we sang in the car while waiting to get to our destination. The moment I realized I was in love with you. And the moment I realized that things were over between us. The long history we had that now had dissolved into nothing. Flames to dust… a full bag of Cheetos to Cheeto dust.
But then I realize, I cannot stay in love with someone who hurt my heart. I cannot stay in love with someone who cannot deal with me when I am at my worst, and when I am at a strange time in my life. I cannot stay in love with someone who hasn’t been there for me at my darkest hours. I cannot stay in love with someone who probably doesn’t even have any idea of how to love me. I cannot stay in love with someone who couldn’t handle or love a different side of me. I cannot stay in love with someone who couldn’t even withstand the test of time.
So no, I am not in love with you anymore. But I will forever miss you. My heart will always break a little at the thought of you, and my heart will always laugh a little when remembering a funny moment or a joke we shared together. But, that’s the beauty behind the true feelings of a human being’s heart. It is resilient and it heals. It also learns how to forgive. First and foremost, it also learns how to love again. So cheers to you, to the person I once loved. And cheers to my heart, for being brave enough to love and move on.
Featured Image via Unsplash.