“No we didn’t date. But they were an ex-something, an ex-maybe. An ex-almost.” Sound familiar? An almost relationship is that weird, confusing, in-between state between a friendship and a relationship. There is no accountability; you are dating without a promise or a clue that this will blossom into an actual relationship. Of course, you can ask and manage the awkward conversation, which is good if you want clarity. However, timing is crucial and if you ask at the wrong time, you’re going to have to say bye bye to your ‘could have been.’
It begins with an initial attraction, this magnetic connection you cannot make sense of. It moves into everyday conversations and occasional late night phone calls. Numerous dates that give you a warm fuzzy feeling from within. Then begins that inconsistent behaviour. The fading of messages and disappearing efforts. To one day seeing them with someone else so normally as if what you’ll had was absolutely nothing. A lot of questions left unasked and gone unanswered. A complete heartbreak over an almost relationship. If you think you are getting entangled in an almost relationship, consider the following in order to make an informed choice on whether to stay or leave.
1. You will end up seeing love differently: Every experience shapes us and an almost relationship could make us cynical. We will end up becoming non-trusting and keeping our guard up in order to avoid experiencing the pain again.
2. You will refrain from confiding in your close friends: No one wants their close friends to dislike the person they like and may potentially date in the future. You start to making excuses for them being inconsistent and more often than not, not discuss the reasons you are upset with your friends in order to avoid them being judgmental about your almost someone.
3. The chance of getting closure is very rare: Everything in life needs an end in order to properly move forward from and a relationship is no different. However an almost relationships comes with the no strings attached clause due to which getting a closure on it is extremely rare.
4. You will start to question the intentions of everyone who shows interest in you in the future: Due to this fear of getting heartbroken or getting stuck in this almost rut again, you will be very hesitant to give someone else a chance in the future, someone who may genuinely want to be with you.
5. You will always wonder what happened!: Due to the fact that closure is very rare, you will always wonder what went wrong, why things suddenly came crashing down overnight. There is no point in wasting time over the what’s, rather spend time of moving forward to a smarter you.
6. More than an almost something, you will lose you actual friend: Yes, ex’s can be friends once they are both completely over each other. However, this wasn’t even a real relationship. One person will always be more hurt. A person who feels led on and used can never be friends with someone who made them feel that way.
7. You will experience heartbreak without being in a real relationship: There is never a moderate or an acceptable heartbreak. However, when you are in a real relationships with all its perks and security, a heartbreak doesn’t seem so bad after a while. However in this case, it just seems like a pointless waste of time and emotion for the person who’s experiencing it.
8. Someone who is now just an acquaintance will know personal details about your life: An almost relationship is just a really long version of a first date where you are getting to know each other more. In an attempt to do that, you tend to discuss personal and intimate details with the other person which you’d normally only discuss with people close to you. However once things don’t work as expected, you are left with someone who’s just an acquaintance to you, who knows a lot of personal details about you and your life.
That’s kind of the problem with an almost relationship, you will only come so close to the good part before things start going down south. It comes with the pain of a relationship without the comforts and security of a real one. Things start to become a routine, a habit before they begin to fizzle out. It ends just like that, no words or explanation. Soon enough, you see them with someone else to realize what you’ll had was just not enough.
As messed up as it is, experience it at least once, although most of us will experience it multiple times in life. That value of what it will teach you will be priceless. It will teach you the value of pain, make you a better judge of people and most importantly make you a stronger person.
Don’t let such experiences scare you, if you like someone, say it, love with all your heart without getting scared of someone hurting you again.
Don’t fear putting your heart out there, it will only make you brave. So yeah, an almost relationship sucks in more forms than not, however experience it and learn from it, but never settle for an ‘almost’ anything, you deserve the whole deal, not just a part. You should be working hard for making a better life for you, not settling for what barely even is a relationship. Love & Live. Do it wholeheartedly, not just to an almost!
Featured image via labella.