Note: this article is strictly about sexual experiences between cis-gendered men and cis-gendered women. Not all participants interviewed are heterosexual, though they spoke solely about their experiences with members of the opposite sex.
There’s nothing like sharing a glass (or bottle) of wine between friends and reminiscing and laughing about all the horrible sexual experiences you’ve had. It’s something my friends and I bond over often. Yet, the biggest thing I’ve noticed is no matter who I’m speaking with, they usually have the same complaints regardless of who their partner was. So I decided to take it upon myself, and answer the age-old question of what women are actually thinking. I interviewed 15 millennial women and asked them what their most frequent complaints about men are during sex. Here are the most common answers I received.
1. Not Enough Foreplay
The purpose of getting an oil change on your car is to help lubricate the engine so it will run smoothly. A vagina works the same way. If it’s not well lubricated, it won’t operate the way it should.
Pro tip: If you aren’t willing to take the time to commit to foreplay or you and your partner don’t enjoy it, buy lube and you can both thank me later.
2. Playing It Safe
Surprisingly many women mentioned guys being too gentle. They said they wanted their partner to be rougher, whether that’s talking dirty, spanking or being overall more dominant.
Keep in mind the level of aggressiveness depends on what your partner is comfortable with. So before you go and try the latest sex position you saw in the recent 50 Shades of Grey movie, ask your partner what their limits are.
3. “I Can’t Finish With A Condom”
Look, I’m not going to pretend to know what it feels like to have a piece of latex suffocating the most sensitive part of my body, but if you aren’t willing to split the $45 Plan B pill I’m going to have to buy, wear the condom.
And if the potential of creating a human being wasn’t worrying enough, condoms are the only form of contraception that will prevent sexually transmitted infections.
4. The Blowjob Head Push
If you’ve ever had a dick in your mouth then you’ve experienced the ‘blowjob head push.’ I get it. You want us to go deeper. But please for the love of all that is holy use your words instead! Most of us don’t have the gag reflexes of a porn star, not to mention it hurts.
5. Wam, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am
If I went up to a random straight woman on the street and asked her to list the number of times she’s actually reached orgasm with a partner, I bet you she’ll give me a ballpark number. Why? Because we live in a world where sex is considered over when the man reaches orgasm.
Someone, please tell me why this double standard still exists?!
This complaint was included on every single woman’s list that I interviewed
I get it after you’ve finished, you’re tired and don’t have the energy. But if you know that going into it, then take care of the woman first. Find a solution that has both of you leaving satisfied. Because if you do at least try or succeed at getting your partner to reach full orgasm, you will automatically be remembered as one of the few heroes in their hookup history book.
6. Communication Is Key
Besides lack of orgasm, the second most common complaint across the board was lack of communication. Communication before, after, and during sex. Women want to know what the expectations are. Whether you like it rough, soft, if what they’re doing feels good, if you even want to be having sex!
(Consent before and throughout is integral to any sexual experience.)
Most women mentioned that setting those expectations doesn’t ruin the mood, in fact, it makes it better because both parties are getting what they want and it shows that you actually care about more than just your own pleasure. (Please refer back to point number 5.)
So use your words. Because the only way both people are going to get what they want out of any sexual experience is if they communicate it clearly.
As much as it’s easy to sit with your girlfriends at Sunday brunch and complain about the horrible one night stands you’ve had, guys won’t know about any of these things unless we tell them. So this is a call to all women, if you have ever complained about one or all of these things and never actually addressed them with your partner, it’s time to do so.
And if after this conversation they still aren’t getting it, either refer them to this article or kick them to the curb because life’s too short to be having bad sex.