I’m a guy’s girl.
Growing up, I’ve always had a hard time getting along with girls. I was always more comfortable hanging out with guys. I know what you’re thinking – I’m not a slut, I’m not trying to sleep with your boyfriend, I’m not a lesbian.
When I was younger, I was the ultimate tom-boy. I played softball, baseball and flag football in leagues while most other girls were in dance class. I went to camp decked out in big basketball shorts and baggy t-shirts while other girls wore tight shorts and tank tops. I wanted to do rock climbing instead of making string bracelets and I never turned down a dare. I would spend holidays with family friends glued to the TV playing WWE Wrestling and Super Smash Bros on Nintendo 64 and getting my competitive fix.
Of course, as I got older, I feminized my look more. I started wearing make-up and dresses, started kissing boys and flirting, and enjoyed more stereotypical “girly” things. I would get manicures and pedicures, I would have shopping sprees, and I started flat-ironing my hair.
But that never dulled my competitive and cut-throat edge and it never changed the fact that I’ll always be just “one of the guys.”
You’ll never see me complain about sports – because I actually enjoy them. I love football and I love baseball. If the Mets are playing, you’ll find me glued to my TV or at Citi Field rooting them on with a burger in one hand and a beer in the other. I was the only girl at my job to participate in fantasy football and have a team in the playoffs pool. It makes everything fun and exciting.
I never hold myself back from eating anything and everything I want and I don’t stand around picking apart my body. When I go out to eat, you won’t see me ordering a salad, and if I do it’s always just the first course. I frequently get two orders of wings when my coworkers and I go out after shift and eat them all under the table.
When I go out to the bar, I don’t want a vodka cranberry. I want fireball on the rocks or a beer. I don’t want to drown my sorrows in fruity cocktails, but slam my stress with a couple of shots.
I’m the best wingman there can ever be. My favorite past-time is going out with my boyfriend and his friends and trying to bring back girls to the table for them to talk to. I’ll check them out along side them, make my way over to them and compliment their shoes or outfit, tell them to come hangout with us, and before you know it they’re going home together.
Talking about sex doesn’t embarrass me and I watch porn and openly talk about masturbation without any shame or embarrassment. When my guy friends talk about their preference in porn, I chime in willingly. I’m raunchy, sometimes raunchier than my guy friends can be, but it’s part of who I am.
I love a good fart joke and I’m not afraid to admit that girls poop – or when I have to.
I can get along with any group of guys in an instant and make new friends in a blink of an eye-but there has always been just one issue.
Girls hate me. Point blank.
They’re always concerned that I’m sleeping with every guy around or have a crush on all of them, even though that’s never the case. No matter who it is, or when or where, girls are intimidated by the fact that I am so easily relatable to guys.
It’s the double-edged sword that is being a “guy’s girl.” We’re trusted and welcomed with open arms into any guy’s circle because we’re relatable and trustworthy, but girls will always hate us out of spite and intimidation.
They’ll talk shit about us because we make them uncomfortable. We aren’t easily shaken by things because we’re not overly sensitive. They’re jealous because guys ask us for advice and we’re able to give them our opinions without worrying we’re hurting their feelings. They’re angry because they can’t be us because, well, we’re awesome.
I’ve learned in life through numerous ups and downs and failed friendships that no matter what happens, always stay true to yourself. There’s no point in apologizing for being who you are and loving what you do. If people assume that you’re sleeping around because you would rather go out with a bunch of your boys to watch the playoffs at the bar, so be it. F*ck them.
I’ll forever be a beer chugging, sports loving, competitive and fun girl with a loud mouth and a quick comeback. I’m not changing for anyone, no matter how uncomfortable you’ll be.