The inspiration behind this poem stems from a very lonely place in my life. I actually wrote this when I was 16 years old and at the time was struggling to understand why I let myself be used time and time again by a boy who seemed to only like me when he was drunk. It seemed like the only time I had any missed calls from him was after a few drinks. At 16, you think you know what love is and you think that just because you love so fiercely everybody else does as well.
It took me a long time to let go of the boy who this poem is about, and looking back on it now I have to laugh at my insecurity and my willingness to drop everything when I got that text or call at 2am. But you live and you learn and eventually you put your phone on silent and wake up with a bunch of a missed calls but zero feeling of loneliness or regret.
Every weekend you play this game,
See how many drinks it takes before you’re callin’ me.
One, Two, Three, Four… it’s the shot of tequila that makes you hit the floor
One, Two, Three, Four… now you’re knockin’ on my door
If you only want me when you’re drunk
Then you don’t really want me at all
Alcohol in your veins and I’ve got some missed calls
The only time I’ll ever hear from you
Bottle after bottle and shot after shot,
You tell me to meet you at our “favorite spot”.
So I down my drink ‘cause I know what you want
I’m always told to give it up
But I only listen to the bottom of my Dixie cup.
You’ve got my heart so full and my mind a blur,
Doesn’t matter that every word you say is completely slurred.
Turn my mind to the radio,
All these mixed drinks make me feel alone
And then one, two, three… your name comes up on my phone
Almost like you knew that I was thinking of you
Drunk words are sober thoughts,
So why is it that you only want me after a couple of shots?
I still wake up in the morning wanting you
But most of all, I still want you when I’m sober.