The majority of college relationships last about as long as a happy hour and remain between sheets that haven’t been washed since the last ‘relationship’ ended. But every now and then you come across someone that may be half as serious as you could be when it comes to possibly taking it a step further into real relationship territory — you know, the kind that lasts maybe longer than a week-long hookup and ventures out into a public setting.
While some might argue that it takes the “waiting game” to create the proper foundation for a successful relationship, why wait? You want to know what you’re dealing with, because nothing is more awkward than getting into a relationship and then having to immediately break it off because one of you sucks in bed.
There’s no denying that we are generally much more casual with our sex lives these days in terms of casual escapades, but also in “courting.” Yes, I said courting. The pink flowers he would have gotten you twenty years ago have been replaced by what’s still pink but now lies below his belt. And guys, she may have given you a giant “not me, not now” twenty years ago, but that too, has been replaced with ‘let’s see what I’m in for.’
Being sexually compatible is by far one of the more important things in a relationship, falling second of course to being best friends. I mean, when was the last time you loved someone you’ve only ever seen naked and in the dark? Thought so.
So with all of this in mind, the stages of relationship development have changed over time.
1. Drunkenly exchange numbers
2. Shoot a few texts within the week, until the sun goes down on Thursday and you’ve got more Keystone in you than you should ever tolerate.
3. “What are you doing tonight?”
4. “My place or yours?”
6. Awkwardly wake up next to each other.
7. Repeat Stage 6 for at least two weekends.
8. On weeks three and four — more texting, more hooking up.
9. Pregame together
10. The drunken “I really like you.”
11. The sober “No really.”
12. First real date.
13. Sober hook up
14. Continue step 13 on the weekdays.
15. Facebook official with the “LIKE OMG FINALLY” comments from all of her friends that know more about you than you probably know about yourself.
16. Stay together
17. Write a song about her and get famous.
And there you have it. This is what all the great 21st century relationships have become.