When you’re in a relationship, there are a ton of times you should pull a Justin Bieber and just say “sorry”. When you’ve hurt the other person, when the argument is dumb, and when you are blatantly in the wrong are all examples of the right time to step up and apologize. But often times you’ll also find yourself wanting or needing to apologize for other things. Things that your subconscious tells you you should feel guilty about, even if your significant other doesn’t.
The problem with grouping unmet societal or personal expectations with expectations you think your significant other cares about is that you come off insecure. Insecurities lead to the kind of vulnerability that you don’t want to inhabit, especially in a romantic relationship. Now, it may be that your significant other does seem to care about these things, in which case, screw him. It’s time to take back your control, because you definitely don’t need to be apologizing for:
1. Your Past
The ridiculous idea that every girl should get into a relationship having previously been a pure, virginal flower is so outdated. If a guy seems to think that you should have been “saving yourself” for him specifically, set him straight. There is no reason that the people you were with before you began dating someone should affect your current relationship in the slightest. I get that jealousy is often an issue, and that it is very difficult to shake. But if you’re feeling so guilty about who you’ve been with or how many guys you’ve been with or really whatever else you did before dating your current S/O to the point that you feel you need to apologize for it, stop yourself. Your significant other should only be focusing on the fact that you’ve chosen to be with him. He’s damn lucky to have beat out the rest.
2. Personal Upkeep
This includes wearing makeup, shaving, putting on presentable clothing, etc. If you’re with a good guy, there is a very high chance that he doesn’t even care about these things. But as a girl in this day and age, there’s no way you haven’t been affected by the pressure to constantly achieve perfection. The great thing about having a significant other is that you can be yourself around them. You shouldn’t feel the need to always have a full face of makeup on or always have smooth legs when bae comes over. He probably thinks the things you consider “flaws” are cute anyway, so embrace them instead of apologizing for them.
3. Forces of Nature
Being on your period sucks all on its own. You don’t need to be apologizing to your significant other when you’re bloated, moody, or just plain not down to have sex. This usually isn’t an issue in most relationships but it tends to be when the relationship is new and you’re still feeling each other’s comfort levels out. If you’re not the type of person who is cool with period sex, you don’t need to feel guilty about that. If he’s not cool with it, don’t feel like you have to apologize when you’re out of commission for a week. Either way, saying sorry for things you can’t control is not necessary.
4. Attention From Other Guys
This kind of thing sparks the most classic couple fight of all time. It’s natural for your partner to feel threatened when they realize that another person is flirting with you or checking you out. I mean, you’ve definitely been in their position before too, and you were probably just as unhappy as them. The important thing though, is to not feel like you have to apologize when things like this happen. Apologizing only assumes responsibility, and the last thing you want is for it to seem like you were inviting the attention. It may seem like apologizing is the easiest way out of this fight, but it shouldn’t be an argument at all. If your significant other begins to blame your clothing choice or anything else to insinuate that you’re to blame for the attention you’re getting, shut him down. It’s not your fault that people find you attractive, Rihanna taught you to work it under all circumstances.
5. Your Reasons For Getting Upset
“You’re overreacting” shouldn’t always be a way for your significant other to get out of an argument. Unless you’re getting worked up over things that are genuinely stupid, like who gets to choose the music in the car, then backing down from an argument that you consider valid should not involve you apologizing. I often find myself wanting to just say sorry if I feel like I’m getting the opposite response I thought I would when voicing my anger. Apologizing as a form of backing down does become a habit, and will make it difficult for your significant other to take you seriously if they think you’ll eventually just realize that you were wrong in arguing in the first place. If you feel passionate enough about something to bring it up to your S/O, then don’t shy away from it if the response is negative. You should never apologize for how you feel or what you think. Stand your ground.
There are plenty of times to swallow your pride and say sorry, but these situations aren’t them. Next time you’re feeling guilty about something, consider whether you’re really to blame or if you’ve just become accustomed to taking the blame. Studies have shown that women apologize more than men do by a significant amount. We should be making an effort to stop fitting into this statistic, because we shouldn’t be sorry for faults that are more commonly associated with our gender.