I think it’s safe to say we’ve all experienced a time where we were stoked to rock a new smoky eye, only to take a step back in the mirror and realize:
“Wow. I suck at makeup”.
It doesn’t matter how many YouTube videos I watch, Pinterest tutorials I pin, or “30 second tutorials” on Twitter that go way too fast for any normal person to comprehend I scroll past, there are certain elements of the beauty regime that I just cannot conquer. Despite my 7 year-long committed relationship with Sephora, I can’t help but wonder “What on earth would you use this for?” when walking through some of the aisles. This beauty battle is one that I’m sure I am not fighting solo, so here are five times I realized how shi*tty I am at being a beauty queen.
1. Winged Eye Liner
Whether it’s a cat eye or a smoky eye, extend your liner at the wrong angle by a mere three degrees and you can go from looking like to looking like Taylor Swift to looking like a transformer in seconds. Even if you do have the angle down pat, drawing a straight-line over your lash line is easier said than done. God forbid you have the hiccups, sneeze, or blink…it is game over my friends. The number of times I have had to thicken my eyeliner because I f*cked up the line mid lash is RIDICULOUS. “Wow, you really went for that bold eye tonight, eh?” NO, actually I just can’t draw a thin STRAIGHT line for the life of me!!!
2. False Eyelashes
For starters, don’t ever try to do this if you decided to start pregaming before you began getting ready… You may just glue your eyelid shut (speaking from experience). Mastering the self-application of false lashes is the ultimate test of having a steady hand. From having to smear a tiny line of glue over an even tinier lash line, to placing the glue on exactly your lash line; each time I apply false lashes I end up feeling as though I was meant to be a boy. An inch to high and there goes the past fifteen minutes you just spent killing that smoky eye. An inch to low and essentially there goes your vision…
Who wouldn’t want to have sky-high cheekbones and a killer jaw line? Me! Having been born with the a facial circumference the size of a planet, sure, I’d love to slim my round face! So, why is it that whenever I attempt to contour my face, it looks like a three-year old just got a hold of crayons for the first time!?! For some reason, highlighting my cheekbones for a night out always ends up with me putting on makeup as if I am a football player preparing for a game. It’s also quite a lengthy process; you’re basically using enough liquid for a mini Picasso painting. If I do happen to draw the lines in the right places (it happened once), I ended up becoming bored mid-process and need to take a break. I’ve watched enough YouTube videos to know the wonders that contouring can do; however, it may take a miracle for me to replicate that on my own face one day.
4. Drawing/Filling in Eyebrows
In my opinion, eyebrows are the element of your face that can depict your emotions better than anything else. If you’re struggling with angles trying to master winged liner, think twice before you even attempt drawing or filling in your eyebrows. One arch too high and you can go from looking happy to looking ROYALLY pissed off. Eyebrows are a complex equation; there’s thickness, arch, color, and then the actual hairs to worry about. There’s a reason why having “brows on fleek” is all the rage…because it’s freaking impossible!
5. Lip Liner
Odds are, I’m probably just stupid, but lip liner is one of those things that I just don’t see a purpose for in life. Is it just me or is the difference between my skin tone and my lips not significant enough for me to realize where one ends and the other starts?? Whenever I do try to trace my lips, it just ends up being a reminder as to why I’m not in art school. I usually end up smudging the line somewhere along the way too. Nothing says I’m a disaster like rocking the “my lipstick is smudged because I just wildly made out with someone” look before you even get to the bar…
Maybe I’m just a klutz, or maybe these are some mutual real-world beauty struggles girls experienced by all aspiring glam gals out there. Either way, salute to all the girls who can kill it all the five make up elements listed. If you ever decide to start a YouTube channel don’t be surprised to see some views from this eternally hopeless female!