Breakups happen. It’s just a part of life that can be hard to accept. Parting with someone who you’ve become so close to doesn’t ever have a good feeling attached to it but most of the time it’s for the best for every party involved. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason but that doesn’t mean two people can’t come back together at a later point in their lives. Before deciding to get back together with an old flame, there are a few questions to ask yourself.
1. Do you love him/her or just the feeling of being in a relationship?
Being in a relationship has its ups and downs. Yeah, sure, being in a relationship is great but being single can be just as awesome. Learning to be single is a process and it’s hard to confuse loneliness with missing someone. There’s plenty of fish in the sea and when breaking up with someone, you shouldn’t limit yourself to thinking about that one person. Give yourself a day or two to grieve over what you’ve lost and then get back to your life. If after a good chunk of time no one seems to measure up to your ex, then and only then is it okay to think about reconnecting.
2. Did he push you to be a better person?
Did you guy always push you to do what’s best for you or did he only want whatever benefited him? If your ex never pushed you to be better than the day before, then why were you with him in the first place? Generally people want to grow and change as a person throughout their lives. Staying in a dead-end relationship where no one is growing isn’t healthy.
3. Did you have anything in common?
Yes, sometimes opposites attract but there has to be some common activity that you two enjoy doing together, besides watching Netflix. If the idea of going golfing with him one more time absolutely repulses you and if he would rather bang his head against a wall than go see a play with you then chances are it’s not a good idea to get back together.
4. Did your friends/family like him?
Friend’s and family’s approval of your beau is important. They might see things in him/her that you don’t initially see yourself. Sometimes they can be wrong but if they say your boo doesn’t seem like a good person, they’re probably right; it just might take you longer to realize it.
5. Do you see yourself with this person in five years?
Why waste your time on a person if you don’t see yourself with them for the long run. If you don’t see yourself with them in five years, imagine even further down the road in ten or 15 years. When you think about that does it seem like torture or bliss to you? If you’re leaning to the torture side you’re probably just feeling lonely and getting back together with your ex wouldn’t be a great idea for anyone. Take the time to get to know other people and go on a few dates to see what you like and don’t like in a relationship.
In the end, no one can dictate whether you get back with an ex or not but do yourself a favor and don’t lie to yourself. In the long run you’ll regret wasting your time on something that doesn’t benefit you. Seriously, think about what you liked and didn’t like about the person and the relationship and you’ll come to answer, but it’s not always easy.
Featured image via screengrab from The Last Song.