In all honesty, I’ve always been one of those people who bounced back from a breakup pretty easily. I didn’t let myself wallow in self-pity like we all reserve the right to do when a relationship goes south. I would cry for a day or so, pick myself up, get it together, and move on. I recognized that it was good for me to get over things fast, not to mention the best way to show your ex they didn’t win.
That being said, you were the one guy who messed me up pretty good. We were together for about a year and despite the fact that our relationship was a complete gong show, I really thought you were the one. I seriously loved you. That had never happened to me before. It was supposed to be you and there was an entire plan of what our lives would look like in my head. But I gave and gave, and when I got nothing in return, I gave more. I tried so incredibly hard for you but it wasn’t enough. We went through so much together that I wanted to believe we were unbreakable. So when you randomly decided that you’d gotten everything you could out of the relationship (or more truthfully, used me as much as you felt necessary) and bailed, I was left confused and heartbroken. I would’ve stood by you through anything, I know that’s the truth. But you chose to walk away.
There was part of me that didn’t see myself recovering from this. I tried all my old tricks and kept a “me-focused” mindset. My friends and I had regular, lengthy talks about what a d-bag you were. But it wasn’t working. I think it’s because while most guys showed some sign of pain for what happened, you did not. You went on with your life-like nothing happened. In fact, you started to get more popular and forgot all about the girl who loved you when the rest of the world didn’t.
I was on my own and my plan had to change. I could make any choice I wanted because no one else needed to be considered. In the beginning, I didn’t like that. I just wanted you so I kept wanting you. But time went by and life changed. You went on your own way and starting being the person you probably always were. I guess for a long time, it just seemed like we were floating through life and you were a part of my mind and my past that I just didn’t give attention to. Then there came a turning point.
At some point down the line, I got over you. I know that much. But when you walked back into my life, I finally got the chance to find my truth.
When we walked into the same workplace, I’m guessing you saw the whole “same place, same time” reality we were living with as a sign. You suddenly wanted to take back everything you’d done wrong. You wanted to admit to screwing up. You wanted me back. I was confronted with the situation I’d always wished for and I got to make the choice. For the first time, I got to let you down. I got to tell you no. When you asked for me back, I finally came to the realization that I was really and truly over you. The thing I dreamed about happening for far too long was right in front of me and I didn’t want it anymore. You realized it all too late. I knew I was over you because there was no more you. You were someone totally different than who I fell in love with.
I’m glad. I’m thankful you let me go. I’m thankful you did what made you happy and let me go, because I have everything I ever wanted because of that. It was the trials that you put me through that shaped me into the perfectly imperfect version of myself that I see in the mirror every morning. It took me a long time to realize it, but I always had the power to choose. I had the power to choose how my life would be and how I would feel. You never saw my worth, but I don’t blame you for that anymore. I should’ve closed the door sooner before you had the chance to do any damage. But that’s all behind me now. I know I am over you because I don’t need you back anymore. It’s finally your turn to wish for a different ending.
Featured image via Danielle.