It’s Okay If You Like Being Single

We’ve realized that it’s okay to be single and break free from the constraints, the idea that you have to be in a relationship. It’s better to be with someone you connect with than with someone you don’t, just for the sake of being in a relationship.

But there’s still this idea that you have to be in a relationship, period, as some end goal or goal in your life. How many times have you seen artkc.es on how to survive being single? How to be happy single? 

Why is there an idea that being single is inherently lonely and not ideal? And why is there an idea that you have to be in a relationship at least once in your life at all?

The truth is, you don’t ever have to be in a relationship. 

Not now. Not ever. You could go your entire life without a relationship; I’m sure people have, as we’re all unique individuals with our own experiences and preferences. And guess what? There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with being single. And there’s nothing wrong with never wanting to be in a relationship.

Of course, you don’t have to say “never.” People often change their minds, or they meet someone they vibe with, and if that’s the case, don’t resist the idea of being open to a relationship. Just as there’s nothing wrong with being single, there’s nothing wrong with being partnered up, either. We’re all inherently social creatures and crave connection, whether that’s through friendships, romantic relationships, or both. That’s all fine.

But if a romantic relationship isn’t your end goal, not anything you ever considered, that’s okay, too! That’s not something everyone wants or even needs in their life, and that’s okay! Whether you’re aromatic or not at a point in life where you want to date someone, you don’t have to justify that to anyone.

To date, I’ve never been in a relationship. And I’m okay with that. Sure, I’ve tried dating apps, had crushes, asked people out and was turned down, and went on at least one date, but these relationships aren’t things I think about often. I don’t mind being single. I like it, but more than that, it’s just something in my life. Just as I’ve decided not to pursue certain hobbies or work fields, I haven’t decided to date for quite some time now.

But sometimes, I feel like I need to be in a relationship, or I should want to.

The problem is that the idea of being in a relationship as a goal for most people is so pervasive in our culture, I find myself wondering if I should want one. If I’m secretly sabotaging myself if should I try harder to find people, if should I download a dating app again is should I ask friends for matches, should I put myself out there again?

I’ve done some self-reflection and have decided to do more things that are good for me, that make me happy, this year. And if that means staying single, for now, or for the rest of my life, then that’s fine. After all, I’m not everyone else. I have my own desires and needs and experiences, and those are just as valid as anyone else’s.  

Just as we need to stop asking women when they’re going to have children, we need to stop asking them when they’re going to “settle down.” Not everyone wants that, and that’s fine. What’s not okay is assuming that everyone wants that, nor is it okay to pressure people (let’s face it, women) to pursue a relationship. 

We don’t need to assume what’s good for someone else is automatically good for us, too.

While it can be easy to forget that everyone is different, we need to remind ourselves of that. As long as we’re able to live in harmony with one another, which I believe is possible when you are truly living your life, then what does it matter what other people do?

It doesn’t. Being single or in a relationship does not make you better or worse than someone. It’s simply your life, and you have to live it the way that makes you happiest and the most fulfilled. 

Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash