I Need Medication For My Anxiety, And That’s Okay

Instead of taking medication, natural healing often sounds like the antidote to combat a disease void of inner peace. With the calming aesthetic of holistic healing (things like cute essential oil bottles, empowering yoga poses, and shiny crystals), it seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel. So, for my anxiety, nature should have had all the answers, right?

But nothing stopped my anxiety. What’s a holistic enthusiast to do when none of the alternatives work?

In my younger years, no one convinced me to take medication, let alone admit that my excess worry and the physical symptoms came from an anxiety disorder. Besides, I come from Caribbean immigrant parents who went through much tougher lives than I’ll ever experience. I get that your cultural beliefs may expect you to be resilient and push through. But it can lead to shame in admitting I was struggling in a privileged country.  

Instead of seeking help, I hoped I’d “grow out of” my anxiety. Sometimes, though, we hold onto hope longer than we should. 

I should’ve known it went too far when every loud noise, sudden change, and crowded area triggered me. I couldn’t handle taking full-time classes or driving, and working with the general public was torture.

So, I started my journey with my diet, but while it cleared my skin, it didn’t help anxiety. Then I tried supplements–magnesium,  ashwagandha, and lemon balm–but, while they can help with mild anxiety, they can’t cure a panic attack. When diet and supplements barely scratched the surface of my anxiety issues, I turned inwards with spirituality. But practices like meditation didn’t help ground me and get me out of my head.  

And while I know that therapy is a lot of trial and error, my experience didn’t help much. Long, awkward pauses, silent nods, and statements such as  “I think you’re a highly sensitive person, and there’s not much that can be done about that” didn’t do anything for me. 

I finally had enough. I was tired of feeling behind in life,  like every new venture I set out on was a warzone.

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results does feel like insanity. So I did what I feared the most: I sought a psychiatrist. 

The side effects list for SNRIs is daunting. There’s serotonin syndrome, discontinuation syndrome, sexual dysfunction;  the list went on, and I almost chickened out.

But I wish I hadn’t panicked so much; the adjustment was a breeze. The slight nausea and dry mouth only lasted a couple of days, and I didn’t turn into a zombie-like version of myself.  I had a calm and focused mind that made day-to-day tasks an easier experience. It seemed too good to be true. But the favorable results proved that I had to find out what worked for me as opposed to holding on to what I wished would work. 

The most important thing you have in this process is control. You decide what works for you in terms of dosage, type of medication, and duration of use. At the end of the day, you give yourself a chance to feel better on your terms.

Remember: It’s okay to seek professional help. 

My energy wasn’t the problem, nor was my diet the problem. Some people, like me, just need additional brain support–and that’s okay. This is why it’s important to erase the stigma around mental health and medication. The sooner people feel comfortable getting help, the sooner they can live their lives to their fullest capability.

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash