The decision to remove someone from your life can be easy when their absence brings more peace than discomfort. However, there are times when leaving someone behind and moving on feels more like a cycle of drama, retaliation, and anxiety. When the relationship is toxic, it’s natural to fear that the person’s behavior that led you to end things might continue outside of the relationship once you’ve called it off. Sometimes, this fear alone is what keeps you stuck in that toxicity. Despite this, you can handle the process while keeping your peace.
When the break becomes necessary.
Ending any relationship, whether romantic, platonic, or familial, is not a failure. It reflects self-respect and self-protection. These individuals are no longer just difficult to be around; they are now impacting your mental well-being and peace of mind, which should never be compromised. If you find yourself using too much energy or feeling anxious around someone, it’s a clear sign that the relationship should be let go of. Your nervous system often knows this before you do. Listen to it. It’s trying to help you.
Staying versus leaving.
When considering removing someone from your life, leave fear out of it. Although it can be tough sometimes, this is what will help you understand why they’re not good for you. First, pinpoint the specific behaviors that prompted this decision. Maybe it was a single event or multiple incidents that led to it. Next, accept that you cannot change this person. This wasn’t a decision made overnight or on a whim; it’s a pattern of behavior that hasn’t changed. Chances are, they know they’re not being fair to you, too. Still, the patterns continue. After recognizing they won’t change, remember that the temporary discomfort of ending things is far better than the lasting burden of keeping them in your life.
Fearing the backlash.
Toxic people often react poorly when they lose control, and more often than not, they have a few tricks up their sleeve to regain it. These can include guilt tripping, even going as far as threatening self-harm or threatening to harm others. We also see the infamous “smear campaign,” where they tell their version of the story to mutual friends, often tweaking it to make you look like the villain. Don’t let these tricks prevent you from leaving. Remember, it was this behavior that caused your departure in the first place. They’re attempting to keep the cycle going, and the best way to break it is to walk away.
The Departure Methods
There are several ways to leave a relationship. One approach is having a direct conversation where you explain why you’re ending things, establish boundaries around contact and communication, and then move on. This is the ideal method, but it is often not the most practical when dealing with a toxic person. It might create an opportunity for them to fight back using some of the techniques we discussed earlier. If your safety is at risk, avoid this approach at all costs.
The second method is the gentle fade. This occurs when the relationship isn’t explicitly ended but gradually deteriorates as communication fades. It is the least confrontational approach and can help you avoid the immediate backlash that might come with the first or next method.
The third method is going no contact. You cut off all communication. There are no explanations, no conversations, no phone calls, or texts from you. You’ve simply fallen off the face of the earth.
After
Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to—grief, relief, joy, or anything else that comes up. The energy you once spent surviving that relationship is now yours to use however you like. Your priority is to yourself, not ensuring others understand you. Stand firm in your truth.
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