I plan on moving soon. I have wanted to move out for a long time, and everyone in my life knows that it’s a goal of mine. Almost everyone in my circle encourages me to make progress towards my goal of moving out.
My best friends are very vocal about my need to move out.
They always tell me that I should leave, and I usually don’t react strongly to their feelings on the matter. But recently, I got defensive when one of my friends mentioned that I should move out. I didn’t know why I reacted that way, but I wanted to figure it out.
One of my friends said something that stuck with me.
They told me, “If you can’t remove yourself from a situation, figure out why it bothers you so much. You might find that you were upset for an entirely different reason.” I decided to take their advice.
The reason I became so defensive is that I’m unhappy with my living situation, but making progress in changing it has been slow. I live with my mom, and like many mothers and daughters, we have a push-and-pull relationship. My love for my mom will never end, but living with my mother in my mid-30s is difficult to cope with. I want more independence than I currently have.
Additionally, I figured out that it’s frustrating when others state the obvious.
I know that I need to move out, and I’m trying my best to make it happen, but some people don’t seem to understand that the process takes many small steps. I know that my friends mean well, but I sometimes feel like they don’t see the progress I’m making; they just see that I’m unhappy and want to make a change. I’m actively working towards my goals, and I wish they understood that.
Sometimes it’s hard to see friends’ smaller successes because we frame their struggles using our approach to problems. In our minds, our friends “should” live life a certain way, but the paths that we take aren’t always the same as the roads that our friends need to follow to reach their goals. We need to understand that we’re all different, so not everyone can make every goal happen on the same timeline.
If people recognized the steps it took for me to even think about moving out, then they’d know how hard I’m working to change my life.
I have goals and plans to achieve them. However, I also know that my goal will take a while to achieve, so I want to get by the best I can while living with my mom. I just wish that others understood that my living situation may present more roadblocks to my goals than they might have if they were to move.
Some goals are difficult to achieve, but they’re even more challenging for those who have to think about their health, financial status, or current living arrangements. Not having those barriers is a privilege, and it makes finding independence so much easier. But for those of us who have to make those considerations, it’s hard to explain to others why our progress might look “slower” than they expect.
We need to think carefully about how we approach others’ problems. Some people have challenges in their relationships or backgrounds that make success seem far away. Instead of imposing our way of living on them or stating the obvious, we should respect the steps that they’re already taking to achieve their goals. This approach may help us see others’ successes in a different light.
Featured Photo by Content Pixie on Unsplash.
