On May 26, 2014, I woke up and started my day as usual. I had a Memorial Day event to attend with my school’s fire science program. However, this day would ultimately become one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
After the event, I needed a ride home, and one of the instructors offered. He mentioned that he needed to do something quickly in the classroom for a training session scheduled for the next day and invited me to wait there. But when I entered the classroom, his demeanor underwent a sudden and unsettling transformation. The fear of what I was about to endure quickly rushed in.
That day, I was raped for the first time. I became one of the many rape survivors in this world.
The abuse continued for almost a year before I gained the courage to seek help. He tried to instill fear in me and threatened the most important things to me, as well as my own life.
On January 12, 2015, I was in fire science class when law enforcement officers came rushing in to arrest him. The police officer pulled out of the class and escorted me to the main campus. There, I entered a conference room surrounded by school staff, counselors, law enforcement, and my parents.
I will never forget how everyone around that table, and in the halls, made me feel that day. Nor will I forget the stares I received when I entered that room and walked by students and staff with a police escort. That day marked a turning point in my life;I realized that everything was about to change, leaving me t to navigate unbearable obstacles alone.
The trauma turned my world upside down. I was dragged all around, forced to provide statements in various forms, and endured a series of intense interrogations – all of which retraumatized me. They took many of my personal belongings as evidence, including the uniform I wore during the assault, my cell phone, my computer, and the most painful thing – my sense of self-worth. People doubted and questioned me; even law enforcement, school staff, friends, and family joked about me.
Everyone who should have supported and protected me failed me.
People advised me to avoid attending my regular classes due to the bullying staff and students gave me. They advised against participating in my senior year school events. The school board even informed me that I posed a threat to students and staff. I was forced to adhere to law enforcement timelines rather than my own, compelled to examine photographs and videos taken by my abuser–many of which I didn’t know existed and were obtained through stalking. They forced me to identify this evidence in front of my parents and strangers from different agencies.
All of this caused so much trauma and doubt in me. I had moments where I wished that I never came forward.
For the longest time, I had a lingering sense of guilt. It seemed as though everyone held me accountable, leaving me to feel lonely and afraid of the future. I still don’t understand how so many people could fail a child like they failed me.
Through years of healing and growth, I’ve learned to cope with the pain, reaching a point where I can openly share my story as a survivor and fight for change.
By sharing, I hope to establish a more just and supportive system for rape survivors who come forward, unlike the flawed one I was forced to face. The school, law enforcement agencies, family and friends, and media could have done more to investigate my case effectively, protect me better, and support me. I was a child navigating very adult things alone.
All rape survivors, and sexual assault survivors, deserve the right to protection, have their voice heard, and receive proper support. But society continues to fail them–something must change. If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual assault, know that you are not alone. There are resources out there to help you.
Photo by alexey turenkov on Unsplash
Thank you million
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