Not all relationships are destined to last forever; if they were, we’d all abandon looking for the one and simply happily date the many. That’s why we all have that one ex.
There are some relationships you should definitely walk away from sooner than later (and perhaps even run from). But others are worth fighting for, even if you’ve already broken up.
So, how do you know when to say goodbye for good and when you should consider getting back together with an ex to give things another try?
Should I get back with my ex?
Your jumbled thoughts about whether or not to get back with your ex don’t have to fester into a painful, complicated decision involving sleepless nights, redundant conversations with friends, or consultations with psychic hotlines.
The truth is that you probably already have your answer and simply don’t realize or won’t admit it.
Certain relationships have an everlasting design, even if you’ve broken up with each other and said things you’ve come to regret. When these relationships are given a second chance, they actually have greater odds of succeeding than relationships that have never wavered.
How can you know if this is true for you and your ex? Keep reading. And at the end of this article, there is a short quiz you can take that will help you know once and for all whether your relationship with him is worth saving.
Here are two questions to ask yourself to decide if you should get back with an ex.
1. Regardless of how it ended, you respect yourself, your ex, and the relationship you shared.
Respect is the foundation for love and trust.
It needs to start with you. You respect yourself. You’re able to take responsibility for your part in the breakup. The beauty of a breakup is regaining time to rekindle the love for yourself. Give your heart the time and space to find ways to hold yourself more accountable for yourself and your partner in the future.
Also, respect that you both did the best you could. This does not mean you couldn’t have done better. But allow space for compassion and release of blame. You each did all you could with the time and resources at hand. Starting over is a clean slate, and you’re on the path to cleaning up your resentments.
Things were likely said that you regret or felt hurt by. Yet, in the end, do you still respect your ex’s character?
And do you respect the relationship enough to put your love first? Trying to get back together should be in your best interests, not to protect or boost your ego and certainly not to justify the time you invested in each other. Breakups let you take time to seek answers to what you need in your life. So give your ex the space to do the same.
Your relationship might be worth fighting for if you prioritize the two of you rather than your own validation.
2. Your motivation to get him back comes from a place of love, not from a place of fear.
Your deepest motivation for getting back with your ex must come from a place of wanting to create love rather than wanting to avoid loss. Often the primary reason for wanting your ex back is just wanting the placeholder of having a partner. And that’s because many women want to avoid being alone; sometimes, avoiding being alone (rather than starting over) is worth way more to you than getting out of a crappy relationship.
The key during your breakup is to connect with what you want. You need to ask from the place, “If I wasn’t worried about being alone, what would my reason for wanting to make this work with him be?”
If you can truly connect with and see the “life-giving aspect” of your relationship, you’re ready for the next step in possibly getting back together.
My team and I have designed a free quiz that can help you finally choose whether or not you should walk away or do what it takes to get your guy back.
So, consider all your options and decide whether you want to take that step.
Originally written by Clayton Olson on YourTango
Featured image via Nil Alves on Pexels