If there’s one thing I hate at dinner besides awkward silences (my cousins at the kid’s table will be the first to tell you that), it’s having family members negatively talk about you or interrogate you. I understand asking things about relationships is an easy conversation starter between old people and young especially if you don’t know what else to talk about. But for the love of the Lord, there are so many other conversations to be had.
Here are my surefire relationship-conversation killers, some unique topics to bring up and a few clap-backs:
Easy One’s For the Hors D’oeuvres
“Is anyone watching the show ___?”
“Have you seen ____?” (You can literally name any movie in theatres and get the convo going)
“Where do you get a lot of recipes for this stuff?”
“Hows school/work going?” followed by a “what exactly do you do?”
If You Want to Stir the Hot Pot
“What do you think of Trump’s latest antic?”
“Do you believe the allegations in Hollywood?”
“Did you hear about *insert all the juicy family gossip here*?”
”If you could have dinner with someone dead or alive who would it be?”
When You Want to Pass The Salt
“No, I’m not still dating ____. Are you still dating that married person?”
“I do have friends, but they’re busy building themselves for the future. Where are your teeth?”
“Do you need me to help you with your Ipad again?”
“Well do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?”
“I can afford these gifts because I’m not behind on child support… Actually, I don’t have to pay child support.”
Clap-Backs to Use At Any Moment
“Work is going really well, but how is your (or your child’s) new college program?”
“Yes I might live at home, but at least I’m saving my money and don’t need to ask my parents for help every week.”
“Oh, you didn’t want that for Christmas? I’m sure your mom didn’t want you either, but you get what you get.”
And if you are told to let the children go get their meals first, always hit them back with the “But I’m a child of God,” and see their faces. Religious and salty. Just like the holy meal you’re about to receive.
Happy Holidays everyone!