Dear Ex-Lover,
I watch you love her from a window. I scream and cry, but you can’t hear me. You don’t even know I am hurting still. Months have passed since I last saw you, heard your voice, heard you say, “I love you,” to me. It’s so painful. I am strong and very good at handling physical pain, but not this type of pain. This is the worst type of pain.
I always imagined a future with you. You were the only one that I ever wanted a future with. I remember us talking about baby names, even though we were still so young. We had wedding rings and dresses picked out. I was so excited to have a future with you that I forgot all about my own future. All I knew was if you were not in my future, I didn’t want one. I wanted all of my memories to be with you.
I always got so excited to tell you anything good that had happened day by day in my life because you were always so proud of me. You were always proud of me, even when I felt like a disappointment. You were the only guy who understood my mental health and how to calm me down. You were my person.
My heart will not allow me to move on because I still have hope that we will still end up together.
You act differently with her. You aren’t as protective over her as you were with me. I wonder to myself if it’s because I never had sex with you and she does. Or if it’s because she is prettier or more fun. Maybe she just gives you everything that I didn’t.
I was scared to do anything with you because I worried I would fall more in love with you. I worried I would lose you — and I did. I lost you to her. All because she has sex with you.
But people say you still think about me, and that’s why I still have hope.
I never believed in soulmates until I met you. You made me think that we were meant for each other.
I thought I would never actually fall in love because I didn’t know what love felt like. But I fell for you… hard. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. I loved the way you cared for me. I loved your smile and your laugh. I fell in love with all of you, but you never knew it.
I see you with her, but this isn’t goodbye — it’s more of a “see you soon.” We will find our way back to each other whether it takes days, weeks, months, or even years. But no matter how long it takes, I’ll wait for you because I could never see myself with anyone else.
Love,
Me
Feature Image by Masha Raymers from Pexels
Thanks for article! She was very interesting and helpful to me. I faced a similar situation. I also had some minor problems, and for a while I was looking for a way out to solve them. I turned to specialists. I think this is the best solution. When there is a problem, I try not to jump to conclusions, but to listen to the opinions of other people. I was able to cope with depression when I did my favorite thing. I just made a decision not to suffer anymore. And the life of an asshole offered me options on how to saturate my life with interesting events)))
Hey you ❤️
First off — I just want to say your pain is real. It doesn’t matter how “long” it’s been or what other people think you should be feeling by now. Heartbreak isn’t physical pain. You can’t ice it. You can’t stretch it out. You can’t power through it at the gym. It sits in your chest and just… stays there.
Watching someone you love move on is brutal. It feels like standing outside in the cold while someone else lives in the house you thought you were building together.
But I’m going to gently challenge one thing you wrote.
You didn’t lose him “because she has sex with him.”
That narrative is hurting you more than the breakup itself.
Love doesn’t stay or leave based on one physical act. If it did, none of us would survive our twenties. Sometimes people leave because they’re confused. Sometimes because they’re growing. Sometimes because they don’t know how to choose depth over immediacy. That doesn’t mean you were lacking. It just means you loved in a different way.
And the fact that you were scared to do more because you knew you’d fall deeper? That tells me you protect your heart carefully. That’s not weakness — that’s self-awareness.
Right now your brain is looping through “what ifs.” That’s normal. When we lose someone, our mind replays highlight reels like it’s trying to prove the relationship was meant to be permanent. It clings to the future plans — baby names, rings, wedding dresses — because that future felt safe.
But here’s the hard truth: the future you imagined was built on the version of him you hoped he would continue to be. Not necessarily the version he’s choosing to be now.
And I promise you this — if someone is meant to walk back into your life, they won’t do it while you’re frozen at the window watching them love someone else.
Right now your job isn’t to wait.
It’s to rebuild.
You mentioned mental health and how he knew how to calm you down. That part hit me. When someone becomes our regulator — the person who soothes our storms — losing them feels like losing oxygen. But that skill can be rebuilt inside you.
Small rituals help. For some people it’s therapy. For some it’s journaling. For others it’s working out or diving into something creative. I know a lot of people (myself included) who’ve found that slowing down in the evenings with intentional self-care — even something like a calming herbal routine, meditation, or yes, responsibly using cannabis or THCa flower to quiet racing thoughts — can create that little pocket of peace your nervous system is craving. Not as an escape. Just as a reset. There’s something grounding about creating a moment that’s yours.
And here’s something important:
If he truly is your soulmate, you won’t have to convince yourself of it every night. It won’t require this much suffering.
Love that’s meant for you doesn’t make you feel replaceable.
It doesn’t make you question your worth.
It doesn’t make you compare yourself to someone else’s body or choices.
Right now you’re grieving not just him — but the version of yourself that existed when you were loved the way you needed.
That girl isn’t gone. She just needs to be redirected toward someone who chooses her back fully.
You say this isn’t goodbye — it’s “see you soon.”
Maybe. Maybe not.
But what if the real “see you soon” is you meeting a version of yourself who doesn’t wait at windows anymore?
You are not weak for loving deeply.
You are not foolish for hoping.
But don’t put your entire future on hold for someone who has already started theirs.
Take the energy you’re using to watch him… and pour it into building a life so full that if he ever does circle back, he has to knock.
And by then, you might not even want to open the door.