I watch you love her from a window. I scream and cry, but you can’t hear me. You don’t even know I am hurting still. Months have passed since I last saw you, heard your voice, heard you say, “I love you,” to me. It’s so painful. I am strong and very good at handling physical pain, but not this type of pain. This is the worst type of pain.
I always imagined a future with you. You were the only one that I ever wanted a future with. I remember us talking about baby names, even though we were still so young. We had wedding rings and dresses picked out. I was so excited to have a future with you that I forgot all about my own future. All I knew was if you were not in my future, I didn’t want one. I wanted all of my memories to be with you.
I always got so excited to tell you anything good that had happened day by day in my life because you were always so proud of me. You were always proud of me, even when I felt like a disappointment. You were the only guy who understood my mental health and how to calm me down. You were my person.
My heart will not allow me to move on because I still have hope that we will still end up together.
You act differently with her. You aren’t as protective over her as you were with me. I wonder to myself if it’s because I never had sex with you and she does. Or if it’s because she is prettier or more fun. Maybe she just gives you everything that I didn’t.
I was scared to do anything with you because I worried I would fall more in love with you. I worried I would lose you — and I did. I lost you to her. All because she has sex with you.
But people say you still think about me, and that’s why I still have hope.
I never believed in soulmates until I met you. You made me think that we were meant for each other.
I thought I would never actually fall in love because I didn’t know what love felt like. But I fell for you… hard. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. I loved the way you cared for me. I loved your smile and your laugh. I fell in love with all of you, but you never knew it.
I see you with her, but this isn’t goodbye — it’s more of a “see you soon.” We will find our way back to each other whether it takes days, weeks, months, or even years. But no matter how long it takes, I’ll wait for you because I could never see myself with anyone else.