Ever since I was young, making friends has been easy, but keeping them? Well, that’s a bit more difficult.
I want to say that my tolerance for people has grown, but I don’t think it has. I think I’ve learned to surround myself with like-minded people so I can spend far less time worrying about who I’m offending.
This is something I didn’t learn to do until college, so it’s safe to say I’m still filtering through high school friendships. I’m due for a friendship breakup or two soon — if it’s not already happening.
Although I realize how this mindset can be detrimental in friendships, I want to surround myself with like-minded people. I don’t want my friends to feel like clones of me, but I want their views and values to align with my own.
However particular I might sound, I must be doing something right because my very best friends have been around since grade school. I also have every intention of knowing the friends I met later in life just as long.
I’ve remained close to my friends because I have high standards, and I look for people with these traits.
1. They can give me space.
Clingy friends don’t last long for me, and if they do, I’ve probably ghosted them a time or two. Yes, a friendship is a relationship, so nothing will ever be perfect, but this is not an intimate relationship. Please don’t continue to call or text my phone under the delusional belief that I didn’t get your first three calls. We don’t need to talk every single day for us to be best friends — much less regular gal pals.
2. They share my mentality.
I have friends who are religious, and I have friends who aren’t. I have friends who are political, and I have friends who aren’t. These are not differences that will turn me off of a friendship. However, I prefer friendships where we share the same mentality when it comes to physical health. I don’t want to explain why I go to the gym, and I don’t want to have to feel like an ass for telling you that you’re making excuses for your health and relationships. I want my friends to be willing to experience life I want friends who are constantly looking for ways to grow.
3. They’re positive.
I think it’s easy for all of us to be a little pessimistic at times. However, if you’re constantly killing the good vibes, you need to reevaluate. Once you’ve worked whatever inner demons you have out, then maybe we can try to be friends again.
4. They make time for me.
I love a little space, but friendships still need quality time in order to thrive. If you’re busy every time I call to ask you to hang out, that’s a deal-breaker. People make time for what’s important to them. Even if you’re not dodging me, I want no part in a friendship with zero fun bonding time.
5. They’re aware.
My inner circle is full of people who are aware my needs and vice versa. There’s a balance, and our friendship isn’t disproportionate For instance, my friends don’t call me under the guise of seeing how I’m doing just to humblebrag about how wonderful their lives are.
I’m always happy for my friends, but there’s nothing worse than someone who kicks you when you’re down. If we’re honest with ourselves, we don’t want to hear our friend’s relationship is roses and rainbows two minutes after we share we were dumped.
I have strong friendships because I know what I want, and I seek those traits out in my friends. If you want to have lasting friendships, know what you want, and stick to your values.