Sometimes the best dating tips come not only from knowing what you should do in order to get a guy to like you but also from taking a long, hard look at the biggest, most common relationship mistakes you — and lots of smart, wonderful women just like you — make all too frequently.
If this sounds like you, don’t worry — I’ve been there, and it’s all fixable.
Here are eight sneaky mistakes women make with men:
1. You hate being single.
There’s a difference between genuinely wanting to enjoy a relationship and feeling as though you’re secretly doomed if you’re not with someone else.
The problem with wanting a relationship a little too much is that it gives off a needy vibe. Guys perceive this attitude as, “It doesn’t matter if she really likes me — she just wants someone.”
This needy energy puts your date in the driver’s seat and kills the opportunity to win you over with the chase.
If you’re already in a relationship, not feeling comfortable with your own company will cause you to settle for relationships that are wrong for you because being alone scares you.
2. You think a man will bring you happiness.
Relationships are not the cure-all for your sadness.
Love is beautiful and transformative, but expecting a man to make you happy is simply unrealistic.
Learning to be happy with your life just the way it is is a huge secret to attracting the best man for you. Happy people are magnetic!
Because people get this backwards so often, they don’t understand why they don’t find love. You have to be happy before you jump into a relationship.
3. You’re too eager to start a family.
Finding a family man who wants to have children or parent yours is an amazing thing. It’s definitely not wrong to want children.
The problem is that when women look for someone to start a family with, sometimes they act like the family they want is way more important than their partner.
Marriage and children have high stakes, so when men meet women who are so focused on family that they don’t make time for their partners, it’s a complete turnoff. You might be itching to have children before your biological clock stops, but get to know your partner first, and see if you have a connection with them.
4. You’re too independent.
“Independent” doesn’t mean “Don’t accept anyone’s ideas” or “You always know better” or “Treat that man like he’s hired help while he hangs those shelves.”
Independence is awesome, but condescension is not.
As a recovering control freak, I can vouch that expecting everything to be “just so” will kill a man’s attraction to you faster than you can say “Put that over there.”
5. You make the men you date the center of your world.
A relationship is wonderful, but if you give up your dreams, hobbies, and passions for your partner, you’ll ultimately lose yourself.
Your partner will notice that your emotional world revolves around him, which is a lot of responsibility. Then, sooner or later, resentment will damage your relationship.
You don’t have to sell out for love. Hold strong to what you really like, and never make a man your hobby, your dream, or your goal. Never compromise what you love for anyone else.
6. You hold subconscious negative beliefs about men.
Sneaky negativity towards men is a huge reason why men don’t date women whom they would otherwise find really attractive.
If men have broken your heart a few times, it can be difficult to trust men.
This leads to the excruciating catch-22 of wanting to attract a good partner but not really believing that it’s possible.
If you think that all men want is sex or that they can’t stay faithful, you will likely manifest those situations.
Instead, start noticing all of the times when men do things that you appreciate. Keep in mind that some guys are bad news and others are wonderful — just like women.
Stop lumping all men together. It’ll do wonders for the quality of men you attract.
7. You chase down men.
If you want a man who will pursue you and cherish your feelings, it has to come from him.
I know how hard it is to sit back and wait, but patience is essential if you want love that lasts.
From now on, you don’t need closure. Gracefully let dead relationships die and the cream to float to the surface.
If he wants you, you’ll know because he’ll go out of his way to treat you well. If not, drop him like a hot potato.
8. You’re ready to ditch your relationship at the drop of a hat.
“Commitment phobia” is real — even when you think that you truly want a good relationship.
If men hurt you in the past, the urge to bolt when times get tough can be overwhelming. Your personal circumstances shape how you treat partners, but you can change your perspective.
I don’t blame you if you have a touch of “runaway bride” in you. However, doing the emotional work will help you reach a place where you can stay even when the relationship is hard.
If you have your “running shoes” on all the time, your partner feels like you could abandon them at any moment. This is not healthy for either of you. It will destabilize the bond you’re trying to build. Do the work and stay.
If you see yourself behaving this way towards men, stay aware of your behavior, and work to change it. You’ll be far happier without these self-defeating behaviors in your life!