The Real Reason You Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men

If you find that you always seem to date emotionally unavailable men, there may be a deeper reason for your choices. As with everything else in life, we gravitate towards what we know, even if it’s not right for us. But until we address why we date emotionally unavailable men, we continue to do so – regardless of our intentions. Here are six reasons why you keep dating emotionally unavailable men:

You subconsciously fear commitment. 

This can be a tough pill to swallow, but we often attract the energy that we put out. If you fear commitment, it’s possible that you unintentionally attract others who also have that same mindset. Perhaps you know deep down that you’re not ready for a relationship, so you choose partners who don’t want anything serious. 

You like the chase. 

There’s something satisfying about being liked by the person who’s completely against dating until they meet you. It’s a classic movie plotline, many of us fantasize about that type of relationship.  It feels good for a man who doesn’t fall in love to love you, but a man who truly cares will make an effort. So don’t wait around, supporting and caring for someone only to receive nothing in return. The right man will put in the work, no questions asked. 

You’re stuck in the past.  

Was your previous boyfriend emotionally unavailable? It’s possible that you gravitate towards relationships that feel familiar. While you obviously want a partner who will commit to you, perhaps you know emotionally unavailable men best, and that comforts you. Regardless, you deserve better than emotional unavailability and should break the cycle even if dating outside of your “type” scares you. 

You have low self-esteem.

You deserve so much more than emotionally unavailable men, but you believe that this is as good as you’ll ever get. And you cry when you see the romantic gestures other men do for their girlfriends and question why you don’t receive this same treatment in return for your love. The answer is simple: If you believe you don’t deserve unconditional love, the men whom you attract will give you the bare minimum. 

Emotionally unavailable men appear more attractive. 

There’s something mysterious and intriguing about emotionally unavailable men. They pique your curiosity. These men appear untouchable, and psychology tells us that we want what we can’t have. But why settle for someone you can’t have when you can find a partner who’s so much better? 

Your romantic role models were emotionally unavailable. 

Perhaps you grew up with parental figures who lacked emotional warmth and disregarded your needs. It’s extremely easy to fall into the same patterns as our parents did. For example, if your father was emotionally unavailable when you were young, you may think that emotional unavailability is normal, when in reality, it isn’t. 

If you constantly attract emotionally unavailable men, fear not you can change your dating habits! You just need to be aware that you deserve better and soon you will receive that. Love yourself first and know that you deserve better, and the rest will fall into place. You now know what you don’t want, so you’re on your way to finding a healthy relationship!

Featured Photo by freestocks on Unsplash.


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