To crave, to be fascinated by, to thirst for, to be draped in your sexual desires — these are some of the most immense, euphoric, intoxicating feelings a human being can experience. Yet, not enough of us get to have the pleasure (pun intended).
To express your sexual desires with your current partner, FWB (Friend With Benefits) or whoever may cause a little anxiety, insecurity as well as leave you feeling judged. You don’t know what they may think of you — they might say, “you’re crazy,” “I’m not doing that,” or “Ew, disgusting.” No one wants to be judged, especially when it comes to such an intimate topic. However, when the person or people (no judgment) are willing to fulfill your sexual desires, this allows them, and you, to feel free, less inhibited, and relish in unrestricted sexual passion.
Now, let’s dive into spontaneous vs responsive sexual desires.
Spontaneous: performed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse or inclination and without premeditation or external stimulus.
Responsive: reflex, reacting quickly, and positively.
In my experience, trust is the foundation for making spontaneous and responsive sexual desires work. If a random person tries to stick something in your mouth, you may not be receptive to what they’re doing! If your partner does the same, you may flinch but you open your mouth wider — you trust they won’t hurt you and you may even like it.
Now that we’ve defined the desires, let’s get into a scenario!
Without being too graphic, I’ll try to dream up a scheme for you to visualize. For this example, let’s use two people — male and female. (Of course, feel free to change this scenario to suit your sexual preferences.) You’re at dinner and your partner decides to sit next to you in your secluded booth. You both find yourselves feeling comfortable and enjoying the atmosphere, food, and more importantly, each other’s company.
Out of nowhere, your partner fans out his hand and moves it down your stomach. His hand turns, leaving his palm resting on top and his fingers fall into their positions. He begins to play the keys on the piano if you follow what I’m saying. He feels so powerful! His fingers know exactly what to do, and you find yourself giving in to his desires — that’s spontaneity. No set rules, no boundaries, he wanted to see you aroused, and that was his spontaneous sexual desire (or you can reverse the roles).
Now, he’s put you in a pretty unusual situation, what do you do?
You may decide to return the sentiment by doing the same for him. You may try something new you saw somewhere or try something your friends have told you they’ve done and you want to try it with him. How you respond to his spontaneity is your responsive desire. If you reverse the roles, how does he respond to you?
When we start having sex with someone new, there is so much energy between the two of you that you could throw a party with an EDM DJ. The moment the sex becomes regular, the excitement and anticipation you once felt have faded. So what do you do?
Performing your spontaneous sexual desires is like turning on your car — it’s the spark, the flare, and the boom to your sexual drive.
When desires are expressed and met with excitement, anticipation, and flexibility, it can open a new world. Pleasure-packed adventures and wild ambitions are shared between you become inside jokes, flirty looks, which ultimately lead to the next spontaneous, responsive sexual session.
So what are you waiting for?