I have been single for a long time. In fact, the most recent (and only) relationship I’ve been was in high school which was 3 years ago. This essentially leaves me with no experience in dating. I have generally been fine with my situation in the dating field, however, this recent pandemic started to turn those feelings of peace and complacency into feelings of loneliness and longing.
My life was busy before the pandemic, and I felt fine with my relationship status. My mind was focused on productivity, my future, and a schedule full of obligations. However, when the pandemic started, and most of my obligations fell away, I began to feel a small, tingling sense of emptiness.
I realized I was longing for something more.
During busy times in life, it is easy to view oneself as a strong independent person—someone who can live their life free from any interference or setbacks. But in the quiet, lackadaisical days of quarantine, it is easy to let your mind wander and dream while free from the regular distractions of a busy life.
After my breakup, I was perfectly content to live my life as a single professional. No one to set me back or distract me, no one to worry or care for other than myself, and no problems or challenges to face. I was free, I was happy, I was independent and I sure did not need a boyfriend. I realized I didn’t need anyone other than myself to define my worth.
But once life slowed down, I noticed I was feeling empty. I was longing for companionship. For someone to care about my problems as deeply as I did. Someone who would challenge me and make me smarter. And to be there for me on the hard days and celebrate with me on the good ones.
Throughout the last few months, I have watched my friends build strong, happy, healthy relationships. It has been slowly fostering a sense of jealousy and hopelessness. What better way to spend this time than to get to spend hours upon hours with someone you love? But for someone like me, who has nothing better to do than play video games and read while the world falls apart, it can be hard to feel happy for them. It is hard to see so many people I know have a partner to rely on during these uncertain times.
They have someone that is always there for them while I have dealt with my own anxiety and stress completely on my own.
I have no idea when my current relationship status will change, but I do know things are hard. Especially right now. The current events going on in the world are taking an emotional toll on us all, but being alone while everyone else around me seems happy is making it even harder.