Most of us see breakups as something to avoid, but they can be a gift.
Happiness in life may be the last thing you expect to happen when you’re going through a breakup but believe it or not, it’s inevitable.
I love breakups — but this wasn’t always the case. While heartbreak, of course, brings with it grief and pain, it’s rare that a breakup leads to a less fulfilling life.
Getting over a breakup and letting go of someone you love (with whom a relationship no longer serves you) is necessary for living more fully.
I must admit, getting over a breakup is slightly easier to handle if you are on the “giving” end. But this isn’t to say that letting go and getting over someone is easy. Delivering that news is never easy.
I don’t delight in disappointing people or feeling that what I’m saying could in some way lead them to believe that they aren’t good enough.
It is hard to spit out the words sometimes. But every time I’ve broken up with someone and “stuck to my guns,” things have gotten better.
I’ve gotten out of having to listen to other people judge me and tell me what I was bad at, even if I wasn’t bad at it at all.
I’ve moved away from people blaming all of their feelings that they didn’t want to deal with on me and knowing that they could convince me that I had more “self-work” to do.
And I’ve found that people no longer use my time to talk about others and start drama.
I’ve moved away from being someone I was decades ago and no longer am.
And my other relationships have deepened, too.
I laugh more, I’ve lost weight, and I have seen myself be more willing to create and produce and take on projects. I even became an entrepreneur.
Happy people know that sometimes, you have to have a broken heart in order to achieve the happy life you deserve.
With that said, here are three reasons why a breakup may be the best thing to ever happen to you because it leads to eventual happiness in life.
1. You become willing to meet the unknown and trust yourself in the face of uncertainty.
Pain best motivates human beings. Change can come with greater ease if we choose to change for fun, to play with our free will.
However, we usually wait until the pain of our current situation is so great that it finally exceeds the pain and fear of our uncertainty about what lies on the “other side.” Therefore, a breakup is a sign of courage and something to celebrate.
Facing uncertainty and placing our bet on ourselves to handle whatever comes next is a real mark of bravery.
2. Breakups are breakthroughs.
No matter who you are breaking up with, you are really breaking up with roles and issues that have limited your ability to shine.
In our relationships, we often function the way we do because we are functioning from a role or with an issue, rather than truly being ourselves.
The whole dynamic and relationship with a person can change in an infinite number of ways when we choose to break up with our problems.
Breakups offer sweet release from the judgment that keeps us small and conforming.
The lightness of this great burden being lifted might feel a little raw, like a breeze on brand-new skin when the band-aid is removed.
But, the bliss of the awareness of aliveness and all the possibilities of how the adventure will unfold is greater than any sadness, loss, or fear – if we choose to look at it that way.
3. You discover kindness in unexpected places.
Breakups reveal the kindness from people or places that we may not have known or trusted had we not allowed ourselves to remain in a position of vulnerability.
Oftentimes, only when we are “backed against a wall” do we let our barriers down and receive kindness and caring.
And it’s not just the typical “You deserve better than…” or “You’re worth so much more…” It’s true care from individuals who will not take a corrective viewpoint, but instead lend a supportive ear.
They truly listen to our conflicting thoughts and feelings instead of trying to fix them.
The experience of true listening and caring may be reason enough to celebrate and find gratitude for your breakup.
It’s not that we have to go through misery in order to know that we are supported. But sometimes tough times do make us more willing to receive kindness.
You’ll learn how to find happiness despite the heartbreak you went through.
No matter whether you’ve just broken up or it’s been awhile, break up to break through. Say goodbye to your issues and hello to yourself. I will gladly be your breakup buddy and get you through.
Dr. Joylyn Maniaci is a relationship specialist and personal coach. For more, read Goddess’ Guide to Breakups or contact her to get started with your breakthrough.
Originally published on YourTango.
Featured Photo by Etienne Boulanger on Unsplash.