Welcome to “Ask Ada,” a weekly series in which we answer all those burning questions you’d rather not share aloud. Buckle up for some brutally honest advice!
Why does my ex Snapchat me out of the blue? Is he just bored during the corona pandemic?
Hi Snap Savvy,
Yes. Of course he’s bored.
We’re all bored.
Unfortunately, the fact that we’re all on the same boat just highlights how desperate he is. While the rest of us are sitting home knitting and baking sourdough while quietly fearing for our loved ones, he’s thirst-trapping on Snapchat. He’s too lazy to pick up a new language, spruce up his resume, or clean out his sock drawer. The only thing getting any exercise from him is his swipe finger.
I think the real question here is: Do you want what he’s offering?
Or are you good with whatever you are doing right now to stave off your own fear and mortality?
Look, I’m not you. For all I know, you two had a lovely relationship and he left you because of some altruistic reasons and you’ve wanted to reverse the breakup ever since. Maybe. But in my experience, an ex is an ex for a reason.
Think back to when you were first together, and try not to put on the rose-tinted glasses. I know we haven’t smelled the outside world for what feels like a million years now and the memories of kissing another person all feel so good right now. But do this for me: Get a piece of paper, or open a new note on your phone, and write about your relationship. Write down the stuff that bothered you, the stuff that drove you up the wall. Be specific. I’m talking “clips-his-toenails-with-the-door-open” specific. Then write about your breakup – why it happened, who said what, and how you felt in the aftermath.
Write everything. Then wait for a night and read through it again.
Do you want that back? Do you?
Here’s the thing, Snap Savvy: Whatever it was that made you incompatible in the past will not go away because we’re in lockdown. If anything, quarantine has probably exasperated it. Shallow people aren’t good at keeping their own company. You know this – you’ve answered your own question. How many other people do you think he’s messaging on Snapchat right now?
It’s easy enough, at a time of great uncertainty, to look to your past and think that maybe now is a good opportunity to set it all right. Resist the urge. You deserve a partner who can resist boredom together with you, instead of swiping right in search for a shiny new fix.
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