We’re part of a generation that hates our exes.
But To All The Boys I Loved 2 shows a fresh, new view of past relationships through a different culture. The movie gives us some great insight into why we shouldn’t hate our ex-lovers anymore.
The main character, Lara Jean, is having some difficulty in her new relationship. She can’t seem to stop herself from thinking that all of the romantic things her boyfriend has done for her, he’s done for his ex, too. She constantly wonders whether she’ll ever measure up to her boyfriend’s ex, so much so that at one point, she and her significant other even break up over it.
We’ve all been there, comparing ourselves to our new partner’s ex.
Even if our current partner only has eyes for us, it’s tempting to think that their previous partner is “better” than we are. Sometimes you see a picture and compare her to yourself, wonder if their family liked her better, or if she is better than you in some ways.
But in To All The Boys 2, Lara Jean speaks about a Korean word her grandmother taught her called “Jung,” which helps her with her relationship struggles. “Jung” basically means that when you have history with someone, even if you no longer speak with them or like them, you’ll always have a connection with them. I thought that Jung is such a beautiful concept that’s relevant to our own relationship challenges.
In relationships we’re constantly judging and comparing, even if we don’t mean to.
But just because we see ourselves as less worthy doesn’t mean that our current partner loves us any less or still wants to be with their ex. Our generation loves to make assumptions about our partners’ feelings for their exes, but we need to realize that the connection they share is a natural part of life.
In the movie, Lara Jean realizes that she needs to stop blaming Peter for having Jung with his ex. She understands that her boyfriend isn’t cheating and can’t help his history. Lara also discovers that she shares Jung with Peter’s ex (and her ex-friend), Gen. Even though Lara no longer speaks to Gen, their past still connects them, and that’s OK.
The concept of Jung can make our breakups with exes easier once we realize that we’ll always feel a connection with them.
It can also help us forgive our current partners more easily and teach us that they are with us for a reason. Instead of jealously comparing ourselves to our partner’s ex-lovers, we can leave their history in the past. And finally, we can let go of our fears about our relationships – the most important step of all.
Featured Photo via Weheartit.