There are milestones in our lives that we want to share with close friends. However, the unfortunate part is that with great transitions comes a lot of friendship faux pas that aren’t as reasonable to others as you think. In fact, a lot of times when one person would find some expectations, others would find it as rude or overwhelming to be a part of.
Here are 5 things that come off as rude to friends during your big life-changing milestones.
1. Forcing your friends to help you move
You never force your friends to do something as large as a move, you always ask. Forcing them to help just because they are your friend isn’t polite, even if it seems like an unwritten rule that they would help. You should never assume they’re automatically going to do it. They may have reasons against helping, such as lack of time, no vehicle to contribute to transport items, or they have a condition where they can’t lift heavy things. Ask if you want, but don’t force them.
2. Expecting your bridesmaids to spend a lot on your wedding
Being in a bridal party is exciting. But while your besties are honored to be included, it does not mean you can bully them into spending beyond their means because it’s “your day.” If they are struggling with money, are pregnant, or live too far to always participate in your million festivities, then you really shouldn’t expect that much. It’s unreasonable to ask your bridesmaids to throw you a shower, bachelorette, spend a lot on dresses and hair and makeup, helping you buy things, have wedding planning nights monthly and do other things for the wedding or showers.
3. Taking your frustrations out on your friends and still expecting their help
There is nothing worse than when your friend is stressed and they take their venting session a little too far. It’s awful when they don’t understand how they hurt their friends’ feelings and expect their friend to still be happy to help. No one wants to support someone after they’ve been insulted, belittled, or made to feel worthless. As a friend, we all know that sometimes tensions grow high and need to listen to others to help them feel better. But you should take accountability if you’ve gone too far and hurt a friend’s feelings by snapping at them. Apologize if they mention how they’re feeling and try to treat them better.
4. Asking for expensive things on wedding/gift/baby registries
This trend has become more common and it’s so morally wrong. You should always be mindful of your guests’ budgets when creating a registry. For example, if you are having a ceremony that requires travel, guests more than likely won’t spend a lot on a shower or wedding gift. Choosing only items over $90 is greedy when other costs factor in. Ask yourself, would you want to spend that much on someone else you aren’t even that close with when they get married? Probably not.
5. Insisting that your friends bring food and gifts to your housewarming party
It’s nice when people offer to bring food to help the hosts, but when you are the one throwing a housewarming party you should not demand people to bring food. It’s your time to show how independent you are and be the one to take care of the food. Of course, gladly accept help from others if they offer it. (And people are almost always willing to do it). Remember, they’re guests. Their only obligation is to show up and celebrate your new home.
It’s sad to say, but these unreasonable expectations are what causes friendships to end. A lot of people value their friends for who they are and are willing to help as much as they can, but demands like these cause tensions to build. And at the end of the day, would you want to do all of this for your friends if it’s a lot of work or money? Probably not. So be considerate and still ask “is this okay?” or “do you mind?”. They are not your slaves and will not respond well to demands or expectations. They are your friends and will naturally help without being forced to or without any expectations being placed on them.