Lets Talk About Sex: Should You Do It Before or After Marriage

There isn’t a “normal” age for when you should lose your virginity. The first time you have sex should be when you are ready. That may be now, in a few years, or even on your wedding day. Follow your gut; do what is right for you. Remember, you should never feel pressured into having sex, and you should always feel safe with your partner.

Many people wonder: “Should I lose my virginity before or after I get married?”

Here are some reasons why it’s better to test the waters before you marry your partner.

You’ll Find Out If You Two Have Chemistry

Some people are just bad in bed. Wouldn’t you want to test your sexual compatibility with your partner before you get hitched? Imagine being on your honeymoon and finding out that there just aren’t passionate sparks between the two of you. Yikes! If you don’t have a little fun, your wedding night might be a series of awkward moments… and who wants that?

You’ll Discover Any “Performance” Issues

Some partners face sexual performance issues in their relationship, so wouldn’t you want to discover those before your wedding night? Your partner may have problems getting an erection, or you could even be allergic to his semen. Regardless of the specifics, it’s better to figure these things out before saying “I do.” This will give you and your partner time to decide how to handle these sensitive struggles.

You’ll Be More Comfortable Around Your Partner

Sure, even if you stay a virgin until you tie the knot, over time you’ll become sexually comfortable around your partner. But wouldn’t it be so much easier if you’re already comfortable with each other? If you build that comfort up front, your honeymoon will be more about trying new positions and having fun, passionate sex than testing the waters. You’ll enjoy every moment of that newlywed hunger because you won’t be shy in that department.

Although some are quick to get into the sack with someone and “rip the bandaid off,” others prefer to take things slow. There are obviously benefits to waiting until after you’ve said your vows, and here are just a few.

Waiting Teaches Patience

Believe it or not, waiting to lose your virginity until your wedding night is  sacred. It seems like most people in our generation have forgotten about the magic of that first night. Waiting until you’re hitched to have sex allows you and your partner to practice patience. Saving sex until marriage helps you both  connect on an emotional level instead of just bonding over sex.

There Will Be Nothing to Regret

A lot of women regret who they lost their virginity to. If you wait until marriage, you won’t have any regrets because your first time will be with your spouse! You two will be mature, ready to tackle life together, and enjoy exploring each other’s bodies on your honeymoon.  

You’ll Know That The Person Loves You

You’ll know that love is the motivation behind the sex, not that the sex is the motivation for the marriage. If you give in under pressure and give away your virginity just so someone will like you, that person may not have the best intentions. You could wind up brokenhearted (or with an STI!)

If you feel conflicted and unsure of what to do, that’s totally normal. Just make sure to make the right decision for you. If you feel pressured or something just doesn’t seem right, then trust your intuition. But if you’re with someone you truly love and feel ready, then go for it!

We hope that these reasons give you something to think about, but remember at the end of the day that waiting or not involves your body and is your decision. Only you know when it’s the right time for you to lose your virginity, married or not.

Featured Photo by Giorgio Encinas on Unsplash

Collaboration between Tylia and Kaitlin


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