The Reality Of Wanting To Say Yes, But Not Having The Heart To

This is a poem simply about sex. He wants it and you want something more. He wants to see what it would be like to be friends with benefits, but you need substance. You need emotion. You need that connection. You know that no matter how hard you try, you are going to find yourself suffering, because you are going to always be wanting something more than he is willing to give.

This is the problem that most people will find themselves in when they are propositioned with a relationship similar to this. One person is going to find themselves able to detach from the relationship, while the other is always going to be hoping for something more than what it is. While it might seem easy on the surface to just say no, sometimes there is that inner struggle to stand up for something, even though you desperately want to give it a try.

The first time we spoke, you told me I was beautiful.
I didn’t know who you were or what story you were trying to hide,
But I was taken aback by your country charm,
And want to know more about the story that lay behind those blue eyes.

I pursued you, wanting to know all I could find,
But you were only interested in what lies on the surface, nothing more inside.
You weren’t looking for anything serious, just a way to pass the time-
You knew the kind of girl I was, and yet still you thought it was worth the try.

You presented me with the proposition, that we could attempt to let this one time slide,
That it might be worth the risk, to see what fun we could have,
To satisfy each others’ needs,
To make each other happy for the time.

I told you I wasn’t equipped to handle this type of relationship,
My heart wasn’t able to deal with what was on the line,
But I told you I would give it some more thought,
Because your blue eyes would look beautiful in bed looking at mine.

Believe me when I say I want to..

I want to so desperately know what it is like to be in your arms.
I feel so needy to know what it would be like to kiss the guy who can make my heart leap everytime he calls.
I want to so urgently jump right into bed with you,
But I know that it isn’t something that my heart should do.

Believe me when I say that I need to..

It has been too long since I have felt this way for someone.
I feel so dreamy thinking about your smooth, charming ways.
It has been too long since I have let myself get in this deep,
But I know that it isn’t the time to let my head and my heart runaway.

Believe me when I say that I have thought this over

I have tried so hard to outweigh the pros with the cons,
I have tried to make my heart see what my mind should be thinking,
I have tried so desperately to detach myself from the idea of using my heart in the bedroom, but I know that there is no way that I won’t get hurt in the end.

There is no way that I can’t be someone without a title,
There is no way that I can leave my emotions outside this agreement,
There is no way that I can let my feelings run dry and kiss you with open eyes,
I’m sorry, but there is no way that I can’t help but want something more down the line.
Believe me.. I want to say yes to you, but I don’t have the heart to.

Featured image via Janine Jahnke

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