The Most Important Lesson You Learn About Love In Your 20s

Let’s face it, love is an emotion we all crave. We envision ourselves wanted, with our significant other by our side acting like the sunshine in a dark world. We build the idea of the perfect partner or better yet, transform the person into our perception of perfect. It’s the idea of a person we come to love than the actual human being standing in front of us. The one with flaws and imperfections wrapped up in a beautiful personality.

You know, like in a Disney Movie…

But wait, are Disney Movies a true reflection of reality?

Yeah, I know, definitely food for thought.

The answer *drumroll please* is no.

A Hell No.

So back to reality, aren’t you f*cking tired yet?

The idea of flawless has been installed in our minds like an Instagram filter. 

Yet in life, there are no filters, and there is no perfection. It may sound like a rude awakening, but let me assure you why I do have your best interest at heart while I’m writing this.

Let me explain:

There is you, there is me, and there is us. There are failures, heartbreaks, sorrow, bad days and disasters.

But there are also wonders, laughter, joy, friendship, family, and success.

There is everything and anything in-between, and no day will resemble the next.

This is why I finally learned to lower my expectations when it comes to love. To those wondering what I’m smoking (which is unfortunately nothing at all) let me elaborate a little further:

I will never expect you to be perfect, to be the best version of yourself at all times.

I will never expect you to be strong when I am weak.

I will never expect you to hold me on a pedestal, and shower me with compliments.

Side note: Giving too many compliments may actually backfire at some point because the other person may genuinely start doubting your motives. Take note boys!

Okay, let’s get back on track:

I will never expect you to hold your tongue. You have one voice, and I fully expect you to use it.

I will never expect you to make the first move. It’s the 21st century people.

I will never expect you to be a jack-of-all-trades.

And before you pronounce me as delusional, or a woman without standards, let me tell you what I do expect:

I expect you to be kind, to yourself and to the people around you.

I expect you to treat the waiter with the same respect as the CEO.

I expect you to communicate. Passive aggressiveness is just not sexy.

I expect you to respect me.

I expect you to be accountable and own the mistakes you made.

I expect you to always be yourself.

And most importantly, to love me as much as I will love you. After all, it does take two to tango.

Sometimes, people can’t live up to this concept you’ve depicted in your head.

It just adds too much damn pressure, more than society has already subconsciously placed on our shoulders.

We overestimate the success of a situation and end up feeling let down, confused as to why things just couldn’t be as you imagined. Confused why the idea in your head didn’t transform into reality.

And who wants to suffer through endless disappointments over and over again? Ain’t nobody got time for that. 

So, try slowly letting go of your expectations and fantasies, and see where life will take you. Hey, I’m not saying you should go cold turkey but perhaps, see it as the unrevealing of an onion, one that will not make you cry of course. Peel off one expectation, then slowly the next.

And with that, you may just find what you’re looking for. 

Your own version of “Happily Ever After.”

Featured image via Natalia Barros on Unsplash


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