I have this weird trait where I tend to be a little too nice to people. I give them whatever they want, whenever they want it just so they will be happy. Why do I care if they’re happy? Because I want them to like me. I am a people pleaser. I have been for as long as I can remember. There are few benefits of being a people pleaser, however, there are many pitfalls. Here are the big ones.
1. You are always apologizing.
The thing that people notice most often is how quick I am to assume the blame in any situation. I often feel as though it is my duty to keep everyone satisfied and without problems. I feel this way so much that I often take on someone else’s problems so they don’t have to deal with them. I have a constant need to apologize when I cannot fulfill promises or fix whatever is going on. I think I failed someone in some way when I can’t accomplish whatever it is they need or want.
2. You always think someone is mad at you.
Being a people pleaser makes life very difficult sometimes. It brings you down and you feel constantly overwhelmed and exhausted. You rarely take good care of yourself because you are busy doing for other people. Why do you do this? Because if you don’t, there is no telling what might happen. Someone could go from happy to mad in the blink of an eye. You live in the constant fear that someone is mad at you. For not doing what they asked, for not completing it in the way they desired, or for simply forgetting completely. Being a people pleaser is a difficult role to take on, but it’s even worse when you feel like someone is mad at you. As a people pleaser, one of your biggest fears is making someone unhappy.
3. Making decisions is difficult.
Making plans or choosing between two people/tasks is next to impossible. There is no right decision. In the end, you have to let someone down. And sure, it probably hurts you more than it hurts them because you are exaggerating the situation, but you can’t help but feel bad. So naturally, you are an indecisive person. This trait seeps into your everyday life making it impossible to decide what to eat, what to wear, and other various choices. Being a people pleaser makes it extremely difficult to make even the most basic decisions, which means your friends probably don’t come to you for much advice.
4. You find it difficult to say “no”.
One of the worst struggles of being a people pleaser is being unable to say “no”. Even the most simple situations that you don’t want to be a part of, you just can’t find it in your heart to say, “no.” When you want to take some time for yourself and someone comes and asks you for help, you oblige. Not because you want to, but because that’s who you are. And they know that.
5. People take advantage of you.
Which leads me to my final point. Another struggle of being a people pleaser is that people take advantage of you. They know you won’t say no and they have no problem asking for your help as much as they need it. They don’t feel bad for using you because they know you won’t say anything. Everyone expects you to be at your very best all the time so you can be prepared when they need you.
I find that these are my biggest struggles in life. As a college student, I am searching for ways to manage them, but sometimes it just isn’t easy. It’s difficult to be there for yourself and everyone who needs you. Hopefully in time all the people pleasers will find a way to overcome these challenges and just be free. In the meantime, we will continue to assist your every need.