WARNING: THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS!
Gilmore Girls is back! After almost ten years we can finally enjoy a large dose of sarcasm, coffee, and witty drama in Stars Hollow. While some of us have come to love the cast as if they were members of our own family, there are certain characters that make you want to scream, cry, and throw a cactus at their face. Okay maybe not so extreme as to harm, but they make us so frustrated that you want to shake some sense into them and yell, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”
Some of you may think I am talking about Taylor and his odd obsession for his town. Some of you may think I am talking about Kirk and his adorable lack of logic when it comes to the world. Some of you may even think that I am talking about Lorelei and her dimwittedness when it came to breaking it off with Luke. Or Dean with his overbearingness, Jess with his commitment issues, Luke with his anger issues, or Paris being Paris. Okay, everyone has their own problems on this show, but the one who is the absolute worst, without a doubt evil, some could consider the devil, is Rory Gilmore.
I know what you are thinking… But she is sweet, witty, and so book smart, how could she ever be considered Satan’s mistress? Because she has a long history of being a man-eater. While we could go on about how self-centered of a friend she could be and sometimes an evil daughter/granddaughter, let’s just focus on her romantic relationships:
Refresher course – The original series:
Rory and Dean: High school love. So perfect for each other. Dean worshiped the ground Rory walked on (in the most non-creepy way possible). The boy even built her a car! And what does Rory do? She wrecks it. Not only does she wreck it with another guy, she runs over Dean’s heart along the way, while she is running off with Jess into the sunset.
Rory and Jess: Jumping right along into her second high school romance, Rory didn’t do much wrong, other than to continue to be friends with the man you left your current boyfriend to be with. Jess had his commitment issues, runs away, and finally gives Rory some karma she deserves! But as soon as he is gone, it is back to her old ways.
Rory and Dean: Again. Doesn’t matter that she is only noticing him once again because Jess is gone. Doesn’t matter that she did a cha-cha dance on his heart. Doesn’t matter HE IS MARRIED. Why? Her lady parts are to blame. Rory broke a marriage, broke poor Dean’s spirit once again and Rory is off once again to her man-eating ways, making Dean realize that he is never going to be good enough for her.
Rory and Marty: Oh you don’t remember Marty? He wasn’t around for long. Rory didn’t even date him. She just led him on, naive to her feminine ways. The poor boy even made a point to tell her he couldn’t be around her anymore because he liked her, but she didn’t listen. She was too busy shacking up with Logan.
Rory and Logan: The best fit for her; both are assholes. Logan is just so rich that he doesn’t realize he is an asshole and Rory is just too self-centered to realize she is an asshole, but Logan does seem to somewhat calm her down. She only jumps off a tower, steals a boat and drops out of college while dating him, but she isn’t sleeping with a married man, right?
Rory and Jess: Don’t forget to throw these two back in there again somewhere in the middle, because you know, they always come back to each other. That’s just the way it works with those two! There is a makeup, a kiss, a fight, and Jess running off to leave Rory to her man-eating ways or Rory leading Jess on and “innocently” not knowing she was breaking the poor kid’s heart.
That brings us to the new series:
We revisit the three men that had a main effect on Rory – Dean, Jess, and Logan. Dean is married with children (somehow she kept her paws off of him this time), Jess is back in town and pining for her as always (but no move on her part just yet) and then there is Logan. It seems as if Logan and she are in a stable relationship, but PLOT TWIST: Logan is engaged to someone else. Don’t worry, Rory knows. A diamond ring has never stopped her before. So that brings us to the big question: When will the wrath of Rory ever end?
Simple – When she gets pregnant.
At the end of the new series, we find out that Rory is either pregnant with a Wookiee (depending on how long a Wookiee’s gestation period is) or Logan’s child. While it seems that Rory is doing the right thing for her child by cutting off ties with Logan, leaving him to fulfill his duty to marry and leaving her to live a life like she had growing up, who knows what Logan would do if he was given the opportunity to settle down with a child. Who knows, maybe it is the Wookiee’s baby. Who knows, maybe Rory has made the right choice for her child and there is hope for her after all.
Featured image via screengrab of Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life