Picture this: You’re falling for someone new, it’s not serious, but it definitely could be. You’ve slept together, or maybe you haven’t. Either way, your mind races whenever you’re with him. “I wonder if he’s like this with every girl. A guy this charming has definitely been with a few girls – or maybe more than a few. Wow, I wonder how I measure up…” You start wondering if you should be asking questions. You question whether it’s too soon to bring up the serious stuff, and do you even deserve to know? The answer is: Hell ya, you do. Any potential partner should be open to honest conversations about the past as a prerequisite to being part of your future. Here are 4 important reasons why you should ask these types of questions before you have sex with someone new:
- Peace of Mind
If you’re the type that over-thinks or lets their mind wander to dangerous places, then of course you should ask about the people he’s previously slept with. Whether you’re interested in numbers, or just who was significant, ask, ask, ask. You will feel so much better afterwards, even if it upsets you in the moment. It’s so important to put burning questions like this to rest. If this type of thing is important for you to know, then you shouldn’t be afraid to address it.
Another huge reason to ask about your partner’s other sexual partners is to keep yourself safe. This conversation doesn’t necessarily need to be an interrogation or a strategy to see how many people he’s slept with if you don’t want it to. In order to make sure you’re safe, simply ask when the last time he’s been tested was, and if he’s been safe with previous partners. You deserve to know what you’re getting into, and having a conversation about STIs is a good start.
- Avoiding the Inevitable
One of the best reasons to get all the history talk out-of-the-way when things are new is to avoid any potential awkwardness that could arise deeper into your relationship. Once you have all the information you’ve been wondering about, there is nothing that can surprise you and therefore hurt you later on. Of course, this is under the assumption that he’s been honest, but that’s an entirely different issue. Getting everything on the table early on means you won’t be shocked when his buddies are trying to embarrass him during games of “Never Have I Ever.”
- The Test
Asking about previous sexual partners not only eases the mind, it also serves as a very important test in a relationship. It shouldn’t matter how many sexual partners a person has had if they are ready to openly discuss it with someone they plan to be intimate with. Conversations like this help bring partners closer, if done right. There should be trust and honesty early on. If that’s not there, or if the situation is handled improperly by either party, that may be a red flag. The same rules apply to the asker of the questions. You need to be able to provide your own honest answers if you expect them from another person.
One thing everyone can agree on is that communication is the number one thing a relationship needs. Even if you’re reading this article because you have a new f*ck buddy and want to ask him where he’s been, you should be able to ask these questions in a comfortable and safe space. Casual relationships are still relationships, and you should be able to trust the person you’re sleeping with. We all deserve the answers to questions that will ease our minds and keep us safe. My advice is to ask the tough questions as soon as you think they need to be asked. Don’t let these things fester until they come out at the wrong time. Have control over the awkward “can I ask you about your sexual partners?” talk, cause man, no one likes having it.