Mila Kunis is actually my girl crush. Her and Justin Timberlake in Friends With Benefits really resonated with me in the realest way, and by that I mean all I wanted was to be her and all I wanted was Justin Timberlake to love me.
In this movie, she has a “5-date rule” in what she explains to be a tool to not sleep with a new man before they’ve gone on 5 dates. As this came from the lips of one of my favorite gals, of course I got thinking if this is something I should be practicing, too.
In fact, many women do something they call the “5 date rule” or the “3 date rule” or whatever length of time in which we feel comfortable enough to have sex with the lights off and fake an orgasm in order to prove to said male that yes, we are damn good in bed. (Let’s face it, it’s never truly that good the first time and if it is – lock that shit down, hun). Although, I think this phenomenon is more than just feeling comfortable to let our thighs jiggle naked in front of a new guy. I think it has more to do with not wanting to seem to easy. Or trying to build a relationship before you take that next step, hoping to dear god he stays for the 6th date and the round two (hence the fake dramatic orgasm).
It is totally normal to want to wait this out, trying to get to know the guy that you’re going to let into your lady bits makes perfect sense. I also believe DATES make perfect sense. A man and a woman truly spending some time together doing a fun activity outside of the bedroom, and away from Netflix.
Problem is, going on an actual “date” is a rare occurrence.
Texting has absolutely changed the realm of the dating world in young 20-somethings lives. I meet men at the bar, usually either by swatting them away with my MK clutch or making eyes with them over spilled beer persuading them to buy me a vodka cran. This is the norm and it is also the norm to then proceed to text this male, the next day or maybe even that night. If he hasn’t already swiped you to his frame-less bed in his dirty male lair for the night, it’s the inevitable booty call, the “send nudes?”, the texting and Snapchats for weeks on end with no mention of meeting up sober. Oh, and how could we forget the ever so big and now sadly classic: “Netflix and Chill?”
Worst part is, we’ve hardly realized how little dating goes on in our quest to find Mr.Right. We’ve conformed to the norm. Sitting with girlfriends, someone will mention how they met their boyfriend at the bar and slept with him the first night and how “It turned out great for us!”, while another exclaims “Well, that’s how it’s done these days, that’s normal.”
All of this and more has me wondering, has the 5 date rule turned into the 5 minute rule?
I think it truly has. I mean, when you think about it, how would we even measure the 5 date rule? 5 Netflix and Chills? 5 parties at his buddy’s place? 5 group outings? 5 weeks of texting? These are now the activities that encompass our “dating lives” as 20 somethings and I’m sure as hell confused as what even constitutes as a date anymore. The truth is, we can get to know these new guys a lot easier by a few clicks of the fingers on our smart phones. We can text all day, all evening. You can basically feel like you know someone after a couple weeks of texting and maybe you’ve only met them once – for 5 minutes.
We tend to jump to bed with a guy a lot quicker than anyone who ever successfully practiced the 5-date rule and I’m convinced it’s a product of our new society’s way of “dating”. But maybe, we are just realizing that regardless of how long we wait, we just might get screwed over anyways.
Take it from Mila in this scene in Friends with Benefits, when she finds the guy (who she waited 5 dates for) on the street escaping her apartment while she ran to get them coffees for bed: