To the girl who stole my best friend’s heart: I am happy for you.
You get to experience every good thing that this man has to offer, from his quirks about Tosh.0 and NASCAR to his smirk when he knows he one-upped someone.
He gives some pretty good life lessons when you least expect it, too. If he taught me anything since 8th grade, it is how to feel again. He’s seen me at my worst and my best. He told me when I messed up but always made me figure out a solution, because that is how life works. You have to fend for yourself. He taught me that it’s ok to be mad, but you need a real reason. He made me laugh, even if I was pissed off at the world.
Lastly, and this may be the only thing holding me back from that last step of moving on, he taught me how to love.
I don’t love or trust easily. I open up to very few people; but even after all of that, he was able to read me like a book. I don’t know that I like the idea of that, having someone know how I was feeling just by my movements and small talk. It may have been from someone I loved, but it was still discomforting to me. I guess that’s something I will never figure out.
I think that is why I have turned so many pages in my life these past eleven months. I needed to grow up and accept a lot of change in my life, and he needed to focus on his life, wherever it was taking him. To me, we both lacked ambition before. Seeing how both of us have grown now makes my soul content, like this was right for us.
Now it’s your turn. Love every minute you spend with him, even if it is in silence. Sitting on a couch saying and doing absolutely nothing is okay. That’s how he works, but that’s how you know it’s real. He only does that when he trusts you, when he is comfortable around you, when he loves you.
He is worth it, and so are you. He was my best friend. While my heart may be broken, I don’t hate you (despite what you may think). Just treat him well, and he will give you the same in return. Grow with him but at your pace, too. Don’t force yourself into a zone you aren’t comfortable in. Know where to create limitations, and let him know when things are in a good place. Communication, no matter how brief, is crucial. That isn’t just some cliché relationship advice; that is how he functions. Love all of the good and not so good things; that’s what makes him the perfect catch. Hold on to him and don’t let go.
Nick: Thank you for letting me grow up with you. Thank you for teaching me to trust, to learn, and to love again.
You will forever hold a place in my heart.