Winter is here folks, and we all know what that means. It’s time to start this New Year off with the same half-assed spirit that we’re known and loved for. Oh, and snow. Lots of snow. There will be days where no sane human will want to venture outside from comfort of their home. Unfortunately, this limits the amount of fun we can have. Boredom tends to follow winter around like that asshole that you just can’t get rid of. Well, what do us crazy kids do when we’re bored? Why, we drink of course! Fear not ladies and gents, I’ve come up with four unique drinking games for those days when you’re snowed in. Fun for the whole family.
1. Holiday Cheers
A good chunk of Christmas break is spent at family gatherings, even after Christmas is over. Apparently all that family bonding during Thanksgiving wasn’t enough for them, so it’s time for round two! This time, however, make sure you and your cousins/siblings/alcoholic aunt come prepared.
Everybody bring their respective flasks. Or just put vodka in a water bottle if you’re a rookie. Now that everyone is appropriately equipped, let the games begin.
The rules – only you and the relatives that are drinking can be in on the game. Then you and your teammates must decide when to drink. You must base this off of things your other relatives do.
My suggestions – when Dad makes a bad joke, when mom asks if the food tastes good, or when your little cousin sets the cat on fire. My family’s kind of weird, so it’s up to you guys. The winner is anyone who gets drunk enough to enjoy being around the whole family. Good luck, and don’t get caught.
2. Monopoly, Mugs, and Madness
This one is a last resort, like if the power goes out. Because honestly, why the hell else would anyone want to play monopoly. I wouldn’t recommend playing it with anyone but close friends or relatives, because shit might get ugly. Leave your girlfriend at home for this one.
Monopoly is a pretty intense game to begin with, known to tear families apart. Some historians speculate that a bitter game of monopoly actually set the stage for the civil war. So obviously we should add alcohol.
The rules – when a player lands on a property that isn’t his, he can either choose to pay the owner or take a drink. Also, you can borrow money from the bank by taking extra drinks. If you’re feeling particularly risky, whenever someone swears at the game, they have to drink.
Violence is encouraged but not required. The winner is the last person standing, or at least the person with the least injuries. Because lets be honest, there no damn way you’re actually going to finish the game.
First off, I’m pretty proud of this one’s name. It’s Netflix and liquor combined. Funny stuff, right? Whatever, you think of a better name. Anyway, you can play this one with friends or by yourself, if you feel like hitting the pathetic person trifecta. Now grab some whiskey and let’s get crackin’.
The rules – if you’re playing with friends, it’s usually hard to pick a title that everyone agrees on when browsing Netflix. So the first rule is whenever someone suggests a title that others disagree with, everyone drinks. That cuts down the time spent browsing, because you get too drunk to give a damn.
Also, if you’re all watching a TV Show, drink after every episode. If it’s an Action Movie drink every time there’s a car chase or a fight sequence. If you’re watching a Romance, I don’t really know what to tell you. Maybe drink every time two people kiss or when the girl’s parents disapprove of her boyfriend.
Feel free to add rules specific to each show. For example, if you’re watching Dexter, drink every time he says something creepy as shit. If you’re by yourself, there’s an extra rule – drink until you quit wondering why you’re drinking alone and watching Netflix.
4. Social Media
One wrong move during this game and the whole world will see how drunk you are. This game is like Betty White – dangerous and sexy. You can choose whatever platform you want – Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or all the above. The more popular you can pretend to be, the better chance you have at winning. Play with a hot girl at your own risk.
The rules – Everyone must post something on the same social media platform. Let’s use twitter as an example. Each round, everyone sends out a tweet. One like equals one drink and a retweet equals two. Once you add up the amount of drinks you’ve earned from your tweet, you can make your opponent drink that many time.
So if my tweet got two favorites, I can make my lizard (or whoever) take two drinks. Whoever has given away the most drinks after 5 rounds wins. The tricky thing is making sure you don’t get too drunk and tweet about how you’re a kleptomaniac or that you sleep with your sock on.
Now you’re ready to take on those bitterly cold days with drunken confidence. Instead of curling up by the fire with a good book like some kind of nerd, you can black out with your cat! I might be a man of simple pleasures, but I don’t see how that it could get any better than that. On a side note, if at least one person gets howling drunk and does something regrettable and hilarious because of one of these games, I will die happy.