The 5 Drunk Basic B*tches You’ll Encounter In The Ladies’ Room

A night out at the bar is almost always promised fun. Though you may be having a blast drinking your Bud Light at the bar while getting hit on by the creepy guy next to you, the real characters are found when it’s time to hit the bathroom. From your new bathroom bestie to the endless selfies, it doesn’t get more interesting than this. The ladies’ room one of those gems you have to see to believe, and possibly seen to make fun of properly. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the five ‘basic’ ladies you will meet while breaking the seal.

Your Bathroom Bestie:

This girl is quite possibly the best. She’s the girl who compliments you when you walk into the bathroom, and then you give one back to her, and “OMG, I love you!” It may also be the fastest you ever told someone you loved them before, but nevertheless, you do, although you don’t remember her name. Later that night you run into them again and you’re back to “OMG, I love this girl so much!” They make your night a little bit better. Wherever you are, Bathroom Bestie, I miss you and I love you girl.

The Selfie Queen:

Okay we get it, you spent two hours doing your hair and makeup and you love your new Forever 21 outfit. But honestly, how cute do you think you look doing the duck face and throwing up that peace sign next to a disgusting toilet? No filter on Insta is going to fix your bright red face, and it definitely won’t fix your glassy drunken eyes. But please, continue to block the sink; I’m sure your Facebook friends are waiting to see your “Turnt Up 2014 <33” album. Please move, I’d like to be able to disinfect at least one part of my body tonight.

The Wing-Women:

They are the group of girls who encourage their one friend to take that cute guy at the bar onto the dance floor while they attempt to reapply their lipstick in the mirror. They are the sweetest group of girls because they genuinely mean their reassuring compliments because drunken words are sober thoughts. Seriously though, the amount of inspiration and unity in the ladies’ room is enough to pump up any women. I heard the whole thing, I got your back if he tries to do anything girl.

The Sobbing One:

You don’t know what’s happening, but there she is, on the bathroom floor – eww – with her mascara running down her cheeks. Your heart goes out to her and you want to console her, but at the same time, you don’t want to leave the hottie at the bar for too long. You walk out of the stall, and she’s still there…agh, fuck…you decide to console her and calm her down until it gets old and boring, which is in like 2 minutes. I feel for you girl, but I can’t let your emotions bring me down tonight.

The Girl No Wants To Be:

This girl either had WAY too much to drink, or has a low tolerance for alcohol, but either way, we don’t want to be her. Kneeling on the dirty bathroom floor with her head resting in or around the toilet bowl. Sometimes you’ll witness more than you care to, like realizing she is not wearing panties and getting a full view of it. You do not want to help her because once she’s done puking up her intestines she’ll wipe her mouth with her hand and then she’ll want to hug you. Sorry babe, but think of it this way, at least you won’t have to do the walk of shame in the morning, because, well, no one will want to take you home tonight.

On any given night at the bar, you are guaranteed to meet a few, if not all, of these lovely ladies. If you happen to find yourself highly intoxicated and you’re looking to aim for something, make it be some girls’ Bathroom Bestie, and not the toilet bowl. Stay classy ladies. We’ll meet again soon. <3

Featured Image by Rachel Bujalski

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